Healthy vs. Toxic

Because it was really well received on facebook, i figured i should expose it to a wider audience

Healthy Love

• Development of self first.


• Room to grow, expand; desire for other to grow.


• Separate interests; other friends; maintain other meaningful relationships.


• Encouragement of each other's expanding; secure in own worth.


• Appropriate Trust (i.e. trusting partner to behave according to fundamental nature.)


• Compromise, negotiation or taking turns at leading. Problem solving together.


• Embracing of each other's individuality.


• Relationship deals with all aspects of reality.


• Self-care by both partners; emotional state not dependent on other's mood.


• Loving detachment (healthy concern about partner, while letting go.)


• Sex is free choice growing out of caring & friendship.


• Ability to enjoy being alone.


• Cycle of comfort and contentment.

Toxic Love

• Obsession with relationship.


• Security, comfort in sameness; intensity of need seen as proof of love (may really be fear, insecurity, loneliness)


• Total involvement; limited social life; neglect old friends, interests.


• Preoccupation with other's behavior; fear of other changing.


• Jealousy; possessiveness; fear of competition; protects "supply."


• Power plays for control; blaming; passive or aggressive manipulation.


• Trying to change other to own image.


• Relationship is based on delusion and avoidance of the unpleasant.


• Expectation that one partner will fix and rescue the other.


• Fusion (being obsessed with each other's problems and feelings.)


• Pressure around sex due to insecurity, fear & need for immediate gratification.


• Unable to endure separation; clinging.


• Cycle of pain and despair.