Log 2

I met with the doc today. i thought i was going in for the breast thing, but it was actually for my old nemesis, the fibroids (talk about blind-sided). they've doubled in size since the last sonogram and i've got a 4th one now. He says I’m swollen to about 12 weeks currently. This is likely the only time I will ever be anything along those lines I’m sure. Unfortunately he didnt downplay the knot, even though after the fibroid thing i hoped that he would. but he said he'd rather i discuss the lumps with a specialist, so i have that appointment on the 20th. doc says they need to be checked out because they are suspicious and hard and causing pain. until then, i'll sit and wait & pretend it’s all groovy. Nothing else I can do anyway.


Log 1

*I've been mulling over journal entries for quite some time now and i've finally settled on what i want to write. i will keep a log and be as accurrate as possible in developing it. starting today.*

i've always wanted smaller breasts. since high school. they bring more attention than i'd like and distract from what I feel is an awesome personality wrapped in an otherwise fab package. I may be getting my wish, just not in the way i had hoped.

I had to have a sonogram done on the 4th. sucks for me, the results came back abnormal. I had been dealing with the knot and some associated pain for a couple months before getting around to having it checked out. school and work come first of course. even the 'abnormal' result didnt really bother me. i've had biopsies done before and it was no big deal. what actually concerned me just a little was the letter i got from the doc, telling me i needed to come in and appointment already being made with him. that's not how it went last time.

i'm trying my best to keep a level head, to not jump to conclusions. i'm working hard to convince myself that i've gotten through my hardship, my hurdles are over. i dont know if i have any left in me to make it through another one.