Time passes. Even when it seems impossible. Even when each tick of the second hand aches like the pulse of blood behind a bruise. It passes unevenly, in strange lurches and dragging lulls, but pass it does. Even for me.



Ever wanted something for a really long time?

Ever got it - with a catch - that it won't last forever?

i've got five days left.

and none of those are really guaranteed.

you can't imagine how sad I am over it.


Leon & Claire

right up there with dead space....right up there.



I worked christmas...

I'm working new years...

in hindsight, that definitely stole alot of time from me & that boy i like.

there's only 9 days of bliss left.


I think i may have a thing for light-skinned boys...


Santa Baby

it seems ironic, or maybe poetic, that she died on Christmas Day.


Pet Peeve

there isn't much that really annoys me.
*sub-category - there's even less that actually annoys me for a sustained period of time.

that being said, i really. fucking. hate. lateness.
*sub-category - perpetual lateness, increases my annoyance and intolerance exponentially as each offense occurs.

with that being said, whenever i try and do something really good for someone, to help them out - and they thank me by say, being late? it nullifies the entire transaction and i no longer have any regard or concern for the offender.

lateness is not a good look. perpetual lateness looks even. worse. if u can't be on time for something trivial, the odds of u being on time for the real deal are slim to non-existent. and i just can't have that reflect back on me. especially when i'm a person who actually goes out of the way to be early. for everything.

and yes, i do hold it against the offender without a terribly good reason and/or with less than a half hour's notice.

Remember drumline? that horrible Nick Cannon movie? Coach said it best - "you're on time if you're early, you're late if you're on time"



My love is home ^_^


The Jax Express

My first car ,bought entirely by me, is a 2001 soon to be red gold Hyundai Elantra.

....I love it.

And the first splurge will be vanity plates. ....because i'm vain =0p


How do they really feel?

The shoe-thrower, Muntadhar al-Zaidi, evidently yelled (in Arabic) "This is a farewell ... you dog!" ....isnt that a darn shame

A Simple Wish

"-----Email Message-----
Sent: Sunday, December 14, 2008 1:45 AM
Subject: everyone would say what they want to

I wish for one day everyone would say exactly what someone else needed to hear."

I swear I couldnt have phrased my thoughts any better than that

Last Night

was the most frightening and horrifying experience of my life. My trust in people is completely gone.



after my work day, I think i've earned a drink. or several.


¸.·´ ¸.·*´¨) ¸.·*¨)

(¸.·´ (¸.·pOeTiC™


Hell Week

I felt like I should have been sporting my pink and green to work this week with the amount of extreme stress, underhandedness, and straight up "u'll never be on my level" kind of...shit.


I want to play a game...

here's hoping it fairs better than Freddy vs Jason...or Alien vs Predator



We've recently seen how British housewives are indicating that they spend the majority of their free time online. But, we didn't realize just what women were giving up in order to get their facebook fix. A new study is showing that roughly half of women would rather give up sex for two weeks than go without the Internet for the same period of time..... (read on)

who are these women and what is the mindset? facebook is not that hot.


love or encourage?

"I recently attended a seminar and someone said that women need to hear, "I love you." Men need to hear "I believe in you."

So powerful, because I could never put into words what I wanted to hear in my relationships. When I hear "I love you" it doesn't mean much to me at all. But if I had a woman who said "I believe in you" it would be very encouraging. Hearing this could make all the difference in the world.

It's not an ego thing. It would just be uplifting and encouraging. Be honest, ladies. Do you believe in black men as a whole?? If you did express that you believed in us, how do you think it would change things in our culture?

Do you feel that white women believe in their men more? less? equally?"

As a man, or a woman, do you agree with what this guy says? Is that how you feel? I think there might be some weight to it. I have two guys very close to me that more often than not, ask if i have faith in them, or believe in them and what they're doing, than asking if I love them. And i really cant lie like I sometimes dont annoy people by asking if i'm loved.


The After Effects of Marriage

Therein lies the future. What a difference a ring (tattoo) makes.



For The Record

This is me not giving a shit about what anyone else thinks. I'll be a Britney fan. Hate if you want.

It's Britney bitch....


Tonight, I found out the most amusing thing. The guy that I was with for a year and a half tried to keep a big interesting secret from me. Four months before we split he cheated and got another girl pregnant. He now has a 3 1/2 month old (beautiful) baby girl. Looking back, I dont quite understand why he would pitch such a huge fit at me when I called to break it off. After the huge attempt to make me feel bad for saying 'yea, i dont think we're going anywhere', he went and did that. Even said that he's not marrying the mom. Why? 'Not his type, he doesnt like her like that.' I should be upset right? Any jilted girlfriend would. Especially given we spoke during the relationship about how this exact situation, would be the absolute worst possible way he could fuck it up with me.

But. I moreso find it funny. Damn near hilarious. When I first found out, I couldnt stop cracking up. Is that normal? Some of my friends are actually more animately upset. To the point that they wanna get big brother 'he did that to you?' aggressive. But. I'm not. I'm nowhere near upset. Thats his little red wagon. I look at it as a bullet dodged. I didnt even make him feel guilty about it. I am a little concerned for the little one though...

...what does that say about where my head was at during the relationship? Or at least towards the end? I wonder.



Love is...an amazing feeling

Working for the Weekend

I worked my first holiday ever this week. I spent Thanksgiving and (thankfully) Black Friday in the office. I know that paycheck next week will be super sexy... On some bullshit though, a customer actually (we all think) drove a driver's blood pressure so high, that he started having chest pains and ended up in the hospital. And while EMS is working on saving this man's life, this whore has the nerve to call and complain, that she's still waiting to get home. I'm sorry miss. Pardon us for trying to keep a human being in the land of the living. Fuck you ma'am, you can walk home. On Black Friday. With all of your bags. In the dead of night. IN manhattan. I'll keep an eye out for your cameo on the 11pm news. In that case however, he survived to recover quietly in the hospital overnight. Its a shame how little i'm concerned for her well being right now however.

Its a shame that poor wal-mart guy got trampled to death though. How can 10,000 people just storm into a store like that. No one saw him get run over? No one noticed that they werent stepping on a hard, flat plastic surface? No one saw that he couldnt breathe and was clutching his chest? No one stopped or even paused to give him a hand, help him up? I hope that someone does serve time for that...it makes no sense for people to be that stupidly aggressive and completely dismissive of someone else's well being over a bloody, hd/flat-screen/cooks your food/lcd/spits fire @ your enemies, television. Really and truly, it is not that serious. You deserve everything you get. Personal opinion of course.

I want to see someone fault the employee on this one. "Oh my god, how could he? Why would he try and open those doors, seeing the mob of salivating beings?" Yea? thats the argument?


Smiling Faces

My mother and I were talking earlier today and it was a very interesting conversation. She spoke on how she tries her best not to judge people, and tried/tries to instill that idea in me. Dont judge people by what they do or dont do, say or dont say, what happens or doesnt happen. Why? Because you have no idea what's really going on in their lives. No one knows what life is behind the closed doors of someone else. Everyone knows that old adage - "walk a mile in my shoes". I'm tryyyying not to. But some people make it so hard.

Along with that old adage, there's a more recent one, not an adage, but wise words nonetheless - "beware smiling faces. smiling face tell lies." People hide the deepest, darkest, most treacherous shit, behind a wicked smile, and I know this shit first-hand. on more than one occasion. with more than one person. Until a story is carroborated, I have learned to keep my mouth shut. But once people come out the woodwork, noticing the saaaaaame things...it's time to take notice.

I try not to judge...but it's not my fault if your asking for it.


Back in The Day

it still makes me smile


Here kitty kitty

how cool would it be to walk into your room and have one of these just hanging out?



A thought

Matt Cassel is no Tom Brady. And he should be damn proud of that fact.


I watched it this morning, for the first time in my life. Now I know what everyone was talking about.



when i grow up, i'm gonna own all kinds of big dogs....

it's my life's dream for the next 2 days


A Poem from the Heart

ok so its December and i still struggle to find a decent salary/

its as hard as an over wieght glutton tryna loose an extra calorie/

I cant even get the job that he got with his GED/

and Im a double major with a danm bachelors degree/

Applications after interview, oh thanks for comming in we'll call you/

please dont gas my head head up you dont know what the hell i've been threw/

so you tell me you'll call me by tomorrow no later than noon/

it's 11:45 a.m. danm i sure do hope they call soon/

and i refuse to take my aggression out on the recession,

oh th eeconomy's bad, yea i herd it all b4, but i'm special cant i atleast get my foot in the door

calamitous despairing, my confidence needs repairing, tryna make it in a world thats fluctuating and daring.

HI, how are you i was aquiring and wondering if you were still hiring/

they laugh in my face and say "please we about to make some cuts and begin fireing"

oh completly off topic whitney i mailed you your excel book i hope you get it by tomorrow/

I need to be better on returning things i borrow/

see i hate it when someone makes a promise and they dont do it/

reminds me of my ... hmm nah lets not even get into it.

i'm soooo in debt i need at least 2 more carrers/

i'll take a job anywhere, walmart, Mcdonalds, even Sears/

nah been there done that, i want something better/

I need that ...nah , i want that chedder.

And as far as girls go. hmm Tank said it best. M.O.E./

Dont know what that stands for. then just ask me/

even though i do miss her, yes i still kiss the picture/

Sometimes i wana leave ,she has her own quandary/

oh shit the jig is up, fuck oh well i'm sorry.

i shoulda been a doctor, people never stop dying/

or maybe a priest, cause God never stops crying.

a BA in and Music Industry and Mass Communications/

what to do so many complications/

double minor in Audio productions and sports management/

wow and i thought i had a better chance dont mind me i just needed to vent.

so when you ask me hows the after grad life i F#%N hate it

I'm the most succsessful failer, who just couldnt make it.

By Jules


Soul Searching

For the first time in a long time, I feel really good about myself. And where I'm going. It's such a foreign concept to me...


I Cant Deny It

I reeeaallly like Sasha Fierce....

and I seriously hope that "Halo" comes out as a single



So the Mayan calendar predicts....


The Big Cheese weighs in

"The President-Elect was asked how he felt about the attempted (and successful) ban on baggy pants. Several cities in Michigan, Florida, Georgia and even a suburb in Chicago (Barack's hometown) have already passed a "Baggy Pants Bill" where an arrest for overexposure of your underwear can have you serve jail time, do community service and/or be fined as much as $500.

Obama's comment: "Here is my attitude: I think people passing a law against people wearing sagging pants is a waste of time. We should be focused on creating jobs, improving our schools, health care, dealing with the war in Iraq , and anybody, any public official, that is worrying about sagging pants probably needs to spend some time focusing on real problems out there. Having said that, brothers should pull up their pants. You are walking by your mother, your grandmother, your underwear is showing. What's wrong with that? Come on. There are some issues that we face, that you don't have to pass a law, but that doesn't mean folks can't have some sense and some respect for other people and, you know, some people might not want to see your underwear -- I'm one of them."

...what HE said. ...you're not cute, and neither is ur jailhouse style.



On the way to pick up my father this afternoon, my mother tried to kill me. Doing her hard-stop driving, she managed to wrench a full water bottle from the cup holder, and have it fly under her feet. She's driving. Of course, the first thing i think of is imminent death. Now for those non-horror movie buffs, there was a scene sum years ago in final destination 2 where just such a thing happened...and when the mom needed 2 hit the breaks, there was a water bottle...inhibiting the action. I immediately started channeling the friggin movie, spazzing in the passenger seat as she gunned it down the highway. After a few miles, she realized i was FAR from kidding, & pulled over 2 remove the bottle.

....I will be forcing her to watch the movie tonight.



If there was one sex act I could say I would never partake in, it would be a gangbang. Sorry, that's just not for me...not my kind of party. Thanks though. Good luck with that.


Aint No Party like a Jax Star Party

.....because Jax Star parties never stop. Thanks to the New Jack for coming through and making terribly fantastic things happen .




....Sexy is the new Commander in Chief


True Change?

Now, on one of, if not the most historical nights in American history, let alone American politics, we have a man of color, be it 1/2 black, in the Oval Office. I know many of you voted out there since we've had the largest voter turnout in history, I know some of you voted for the first time ever, and hopefully, it won't be your last.

Now, I didn't vote for Obama because he's 1/2 black, I didn't vote for him because he's democrat as I believe the idea that all minorities should vote democrat is the most ignorant idea, I didn't vote for him because I didn't like McCain, one of the reasons I voted for him was due to his stance on women's healthcare, which is important to me because I have a grandmother who is sick often. I also liked his stance on the economy, but I will admit one reason I voted had nothing to do with any of his political standings, I hoped that young african americans across the nation would open their eyes and see that the path they are currently traveling is wrong and that seeing a man who has traveled the right path would hopefully cause them to reconsider their life choices.

Having a man of color in the white house isn't the be all & end all for our people, the view on us won't change until we change. I can guarantee you, I will put my life on this, that tonight there are black kids celebrating Obamas victory, but tomorrow, somewhere in America, there will be a case of black on black, hell, black in any race, violence based on something ignorant, gang related, or just plain stupid. There will still be the glorification of gang culture, the embracing of ignorant music with no message, the wearing of clown clothes, your XXXL white tees, the jeans that have TOO much sag, the gold teeth, its too much. Black kids across the nation, who speak with a vernacular on par with the level of a chimpanzee, will be looked at as cool, while those who choose eloquence over ignorant will continue to be labeled as "sounding white" or being nerds. There will be kids on the city buses tomorrow afternoon with nothing better to discuss than a profanity-laced tirade about there peers, they'll be constantly using the word "nigga" not realizing that they're being looked at as "niggers". There will be elaborate handshakes, bandanas, "jux's", "flippings", and initiations.

By now you should get the point of what I'm trying to say. The fact that there is a man of color as President elect means that there is hope for change on some level, I'm hoping that at least one black child, teenager, or young adult can use this event as an inspiration to try and better themselves and their race.

Note: This was written off the top of my head via my sidekick. It was directly after Obama's speech, there was no time to organize my thoughts, so bare with me.

~ Courtesy of DJ Chris


November 4th

Today will go down in the record books. There's already a record number of voters reporting. Get out and make your voice heard. There are a few hours left. It doesnt matter - Conservative or Liberal, Democrat or Republican, maybe somewhere in between - rock the vote! Be a part of history =0)


Def Jam Takes a Knee

Def Jam Records Executive Vice President Shakir Stewart, 34, who replaced Jay-Z's vacancy at the label, was found dead in Atlanta on Saturday afternoon from an apparent self-inflicted gunshot wound, according to sources.

The Atlanta Journal-Constitution reports, Stewart's body was found in the bathroom of his home around 4PM on Saturday. He was later taken to Kenne Hospital where he was pronounced dead.

For more in-depth

Food for Thought


Deep Thinking

If you had a chance to change something, past or present, would u do it?

....what would it be?

After all, any changes would affect who u are, where u are, maybe even what u will b..positively or negatively



I dont know why, but I personally equivocate Passion with fire, or flames. Both in the literal sense and the figurative



Did you hear about the man that was fired from the Orange Juice Plant?

Lack of concentration.

ha ha ha.




Foamy...go there

Old Adage

remember when old ben franklin said 'early to bed early to rise makes a man all awesome inside?' well, he lied. research says that the brain is most creative at night. all of us bloggers can attest to that ;)

so stay up guys! =0D


i consider myself to be a pretty trustworthy person. not trustworthy in the sense of i will keep all your secrets (albeit i'm fabulous at that too, given i forget things). i mean in the sense that I won't take your stuff. i'm not one for pilfering. I would trust me to be alone with other people's belongings. Everyone's not like me though, both in terms of trusting and being trustworthy. Often with good reason. But the problem i have is with biased distrust. Why is it believed that only young people, roughly 11 (yes, 11) to 27 are eligible to be trusted...to commit theft.

i don't care what anyone says. just because the younger variety is more likely to run off with a pair of clothes or sneakers does not exonerate older people. you. steal. too. I don't recall coming across a law that says only theft of phones/clothes/sneakers counts. guess what? if u decide to take something that isn't yours, without permission, you're a thief. Doesn't matter if it's expensive or not, whether u rationalize it 2 b a petty thing, if it's a box of cereal or a nickel belt buckle. you're stealing. Just because u don't think it's a big deal doesn't mean the person u took it from thinks so too. More likely, they disagree entirely.

stop acting like we're the only ones doing wrong...tools

Find the writer

"War does not determine who is right, only who is left."


99 Ballons


14 inches of snow? on October 28th?

...Autumn? Winter?



The next time you wonder why those government folk arent throwing more money our way, look at ur 3G network, and ponder over the billions that went into making it go so fast. Then you'll understand just a little bit more =0)

that and Sarah Palin's wardrobe....



My mother is my father's doormat....and it leaves me with next to nil
respect for her. Especially after all the big talk she puts forward
about him and his ways.



no longer deluding myself with blind faith, I think i'm starting to accept the reality that I'm never actually going to get the birthday celebration that I wanted. It long ago slipped onto the back burner, and by next week it wont even be a memory.

I'm thoroughly depressed by the fact



Remember when it got voted on to BET's 106 and Park?

and made it to number 1? =0)


Love and Loss

Why is it better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all?

The Good

* My (occasionally ignorant) mom

* Robert, Josh, Chris, Elijah, and Clay

* Savings

* Old friends

* Janet Nickens

* My letter book

* Music

* Walking

* Road Trips

* Writing

* Memories


The Lighter Side

Politics can be funny too

Barack is Swahili for "that one"

Hard To Say I'm Sorry

And its hard to say other things too. I've still got a war going on between logic and emotions. So much sadness either way...

Is there anything you've done that you wish you'd apologized for, but didn't?

While contemplating, is there anything you wish you'd told someone, but didnt?

Making Peace

For years, I've defined myself by my past. What I did, didnt do, should've done...what happened, who I met, made friends with, passed over. You hear growing up that, what you do helps shape who you are, and I'd say that's pretty true. For me at least. I had a hard time getting through school as a result. I felt detached, trapped in my own little world, like I was going nowhere. And I think it's because I resented so much of my past. I made alot of stupid choices, in some cases became friends with the wrong people. I didnt speak when I should have, missed out on way too much. Something flipped this year and things changed for me. Although I still resent a lot of it, I've made peace with the past. I've even let some go. It has given me an entire new outlook on things and people. I dont worry about as much as I used to, going with the flow is way easier. As an unexpected side effect, I think I care less/put less weight on what I hear and see. Whatever will be, will be right? Making peace with the past keeps you from making a mess of the present. And I cant allow anything else to be made a mess.

Hold On


Gone Chicken Gone

definitely brought a smile to my face. ....and revealed the source of happiness. Who knew? Thank you Doug Savage! More pearls of wisdom right here



I'm moving to Italy. It sounds like a fantastic place to live.

Sparkling chilled white wine instead of water flowed from the taps during the Marino Grape Festival - and as part of the event free wine flows from the main fountain in the square too.

However, due to a technical error the pipes from the local vineyard which supply the marble fountain were switched to the domestic supply feeding homes at Marino, in the famous wine-making Alban Hills, south of Rome...(read on)

To that, I say "ciao"

Sparks are flying

Ok so i've officially heard the entire album, and I cant wait to get my hands on my own copy. Jordin Sparks is the first AI winner/contestant/person to appear on the show, that I've even considered buying into. Take the time to listen in. I personally wish she had gone with "Just for the Record" as opposed to "One step at a Time" for her third single. Oh well, still a good one. =0)

and I do love her choice of wardrobe for the video. Fierce.


Calorie Burner

I've discovered something called NutriStrategy. The entire site consists of different ways to slim down. From the workouts to the actual diet and nutrition part. There's even a section specifically for burned calories. I'm particularly fond of the strength training exercises. It's definitely worth a glance.

Take a side

More or less?

not that she's not stunning (to me), but I like her better covered. The class of it all.

Love Lockdown

I have no idea how I let this gold slip through my fingers, but I am in love. It's interesting and simplistic at the same time.

Kanye's officially done it for me.


Old School

I feel so out of sync. I think I need new friends. What happened to the days when you could just call someone, see what's up, and head out somewhere. Just go for a walk down the block, sit on the stoop even? I miss connecting with folks. I used to be surrounded by such adventurous, crazy eccentric people. I guess they've gotten too old for that. People need different things to satisfy them. People see things through very different eyes. That fact saddens me deep inside. What I wouldnt give to talk with people like in the old days. The right people. The ones that matter most



eeyore, by definition, is a pessimistic or depressed person. Made so by Eeyore the donkey, sporting such a sad demeanor.

Based on fact

Dollars and Common Sense

Life becomes increasingly intense this month, driving you to develop your talents. Ardent Mars enters unyielding Scorpio and your Second House of Resources on October 4, prodding you to look into financial matters. Reducing expenses to help pay off interest-heavy debts, for example, may require self-restraint now, but it will pay dividends later. The creative Sun's entry into Scorpio on October 22 will shed more light on money issues. The Full Moon in autonomous Aries on October 14 opposes the Sun in accommodating Libra to put the issue of independence versus partnership on the table. Voluminous Jupiter square the Full Moon may push this polarity to extremes, leading to a showdown in which the choice appears to be giving in or going it alone. The real lesson is that successful partnerships require both a respect for the individual and a willingness to compromise from time to time.

that was just about the time i found out i was fired and had to rein in my money. Although my senses have gotten better so, I kind of knew to be a little less free with it before the phone call. Respect definitely went out the window with it as well...

Oct 4 - 6: Deal Maker
Mars enters emotionally intense Scorpio on October 4, moving you past politeness to get to the bottom line. Tense semisquares between Mars and realistic Saturn and Venus and penetrating Pluto on October 5 force you to define your needs and protect your interests. Getting down to brass tacks involves tough-minded negotiations that don't necessarily show your generous side. Fortunately, a hopeful Venus-Jupiter sextile the same day reveals additional options that allow you to take a stand without shutting the door on a possible win–win solution. Keep optimism in check, because squares from the Sun and Mercury to unrestrained Jupiter on October 6 can make you too unselfish and undermine your recent gains.

I did let 'politeness' go, because it suddenly became time for business. And sometimes you need to be real hardass with special people. Lines had to be drawn and I got myself in my right mind for sure. And I have no intent on being "unselfish" this time around. I'm very tired of being a pushover. Game over

Sometimes, horoscopes couldnt be more right. Case in point, my monthly forecast. Something I wish I had discovered...earlier in the month. But nonetheless impresses me greatly, considering how true to word this one turned out to be It must be based on fact somewhere, considering I didnt discover it until halfway through the month and it still came to be.


Who or what makes you happy?

Recycled Webs

God, it seems like things really do come full circle. Just, all the time! So here I am, somewhere after 2:00 in the am, and I cant sleep! I remember what that was like. Back when I had the iron deficiency that gave me a level of .2 in my blood. It left my doctor wondering how I was sitting up everyday, and then proceeding to congratulate me for having spoke. coherently. in full sentences. before she threatened me with death blood transfusion. Wow, look how far off-track I just got. My level is at a healthy (anemia-deficient) level of 11.5 currently. Sorry 16, i'll never be that on point. But I digress.

Being up at odd hours gets one to thinking. Just about the worst most random things. My mind ended up wandering to a simpler time, a happier time, the time of high school. But then I started analyzing. Because in my case, I carried half of my junior high buds to high school with me. I started reading the webs. And something started to bug me. The pattern was repeating. The webs were being recycled, carried from person to person. Passed around as if they were the newest game boy version (not like anyone would be passing around their game boy....not I). It's like watching Degrassi played out in real life. Pick Joe, he's dated Mary, Jane, Sue & Kira. But you cant forget that Sue's dated Joe, Mike, Mark, & Matt. Then poor Mark, he went through Sue, Kira, Lydia, Ana and Bridgette, which would have been fine if bridgette hadnt found out about Ana. It's scary how we kind of just...passed each other off. Six degrees is just too many in this case.

But I suppose if it had played out any other way, we wouldnt be who we are now would we? At least my choices werent bad...i'll give myself that.

if push came to shove...

what would you do?


Why So Serious: The Sequel

THAT, is an action figure. DC & WB have (of course) developed a line of action figures to go along with the super-enormous-ridiculously huge-blockbuster movie that is "The Dark Knight" (by the way if you haven't seen it, go burn out your corneas on an eclipse). There's one for Batman, i'm sure there is somewhere, but my focus is more on this one. Why? Because the likeness is so. extreme.

it's SO extreme in fact, that I'm actually willing, nay, anticipating buying it. Get the full rundown here.

And to think...just a year ago I wasnt even a Batman enthusiast.

Why So Serious?

Awesome Heath Ledger right?

...more to come later

McCain and the "Man-Code"

"Oct. 10, 2008--It's easy to look at Sen. McCain begging off a handshake from Sen. Barack Obama and just see a white guy dissing a black guy. But I wouldn't get Al and Jesse on the BlackPhone just yet—I think that whole thing is a sight more complicated than prejudice and politics. I'm (arguably) as much a race man as anyone, but real men everywhere know McCain's in clear violation of the man code. Let me explain."

Read on here


The Cycle

In what everyone I've told (short of two people) all agree was a very unprofessional move, I was fired from my job. While on sick leave. Over the phone. If the situation was a typical one, they either would have had to wait until I actually returned or settled the shit sooner, by laying me off before I left - by doing it in person. We all know they've been trying to do it for over a month now, and its very disturbing and unsettling. It actually makes me quite sick to think of it. I'm past annoyed. Not even because I cared about the job or the majority of ridiculous people I had to work with. It's not about the job. The job was a joke. What has me truly upset, is the fact that I didnt even get the opportunity to tell anyone goodbye. I, unlike the higher-ups, actually had a real relationship with the patients. I'm not a nurse or a PCT, but i spent all my time on the floor, just like them. They were my friends, they were like an extended family. I thought about getting to see them, joke with them, and have them brighten my day. I have a place in my heart for every one of them. Even the stubborn ones. It's such a raw deal. But in this day & age, its not really about the work is it? It's all about the business. That almighty fucking dollar. It's way past time I find myself somewhere else to be. I cant keep getting attached to something thats just going to dissipate and expire. It doesnt do me or them any good. Thats a cycle that I refuse to be a part of anymore. I missed them from the day I left, and I knew then, in my heart, that I never should have stepped foot out of that door.

...It was never about the money or the job for me. And you're an asshole for thinking it.



Since Saturday, I have been inundated with messages. Heartbreaking, profound, inspiring and funny messages. PostSecret creator Frank has brought on a new age of connecting. Once i discovered it, I couldnt help but participate. I was drawn in. It was so freeing. And it helped to know that I wasnt alone in my secrets. I've decided to share my "stranger secrets" on here, so that maybe others can find their secrets among them, as I did.

  • I'm 17. I cant wait to be an adult. I babysit a one year old once a week. When I do, I pretend that he's mine

  • Amputees freak me out. I dont know why

  • It kills me that I lost his baby but the wall it put between us hurts more than the miscarriage and has left me feeling more alone than ever

  • I sleep with older men so I wont feel lonely. I had to sleep with 25 until I found him

  • I dont think anyone will ever love me, primarily because I dont have any love for myself

  • I dont have any real friends. Just a bunch of cohorts.

  • I fake orgasms all the time. I've never had a guy give me one

  • I force myself to throw up. If I dont do it at least once a day, I will starve myself the next day. I dont have a great body yet, but I will soon.

  • Thank you...you made me smile today

  • I hope 'once a cheater always a cheater' isnt true, because I cheated on my very first bf

  • I've never been more alone at any point in my life...and I couldnt be happier

  • I dont think I'll ever be happy

  • I see love everywhere and yet I cant find any for myself

  • I secretly hope my fiance gets kicked out of the Navy so I dont have to move away from my family. Even though I know his Navy career is everything to him.

  • My best friend's boyfriend raped me. He said I wanted it and I cant help but think he's right.

  • Postsecret saved my life

  • I love him more than them because he was an accident

  • It took him leaving for me to realize he is the one

  • I think I may have an eating disorder. No one takes me seriously when I bring it up because I 'dont look' like I have a problem

  • I'm glad my friend and her bf are splittling. Now we have more in common

  • I'm afraid I'll never be good enough for my family

It's comforting to know that so many of us across the country, across the globe, have such a personal, unifying bond.


Try a new philosophy

Live your life in such a way
that when your feet hit the floor
in the morning,
Satan shudders & says...

'Oh shit.... she's awake!!'


New Look

Talked with a couple of friends who I'm embarrassed to say I havent spoken to for a few years. I forgot how easily they made me laugh and how comfortable and at home they make me feel. It felt great to reconnect with people that know you on such a personal level and that can relate so fully. I didnt even realize how much I missed them until I had them back. It wont be that way ever again. You've brought a light back into the world for me =0)


"Truth" Vs Story

What people call the truth is nearly always made up of two things: what happened and what it means. “What happened” refers to the actual happenings as a VCR might record them. “What it means” refers to all of the story that people bundle into the truth in their minds.
For example, at a basketball game, the team you’re rooting for may score a last second shot from mid court to win the game by 1 point. You might present the “truth” that your team scored a brilliant last second come from behind win. A fan who supports the losing team might describe the “truth” of this same event as your team making a desperate but lucky shot to steal the game from the better team. If both of you are telling the truth, how can your accounts be so different? Because, the truth is only that a shot was made that won the game; the rest of what both of you told as the truth would more accurately be meaning, story, or interpretation. It is vital to distinguish what happened from the rest of the meanings and interpretations that people add. This is especially true because so much of the meaning and interpretation happen automatically at a very emotional level and so much of it has the power to determine our happiness and fulfillment if we allow it to. Perhaps the fans of the losing team will be angry and unhappy for weeks over that single victory. A player on that team might even decide that it means that he is unworthy of athletics and drop out of the program. That same player could instead decided that it means he should practice more so that he can win the next one. The decision of which story to attribute to the outcome of the game may very well decide much of that person’s future!

- learnings from landmark

My All-Time Favourite

and it has nothing to do with Snoop or Akon.



He that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else.
Benjamin Franklin

Bad excuses are worse than none.
Thomas Fuller

For many people, an excuse is better than an achievement because an achievement, no matter how great, leaves you having to prove yourself again in the future but an excuse can last for life.
Eric Hoffer

An excuse is worse and more terrible than a lie; for an excuse is a lie guarded.
Alexander Pope

Not hing is impossible; there are ways that lead to everything, and if we had sufficient will we should always have sufficient means. It is often merely for an excuse that we say things are impossible.
Francois La Rochefoucauld

the only credible use for them is as toilet paper.


The End

Well, it's all over and done. I've entered into the recovery stage of my surgery. I even got a picture for a keepsake! Omg so much soreness...

But I did wanna say thank you to everyone who came to see me while i was incapacitated. You have no idea how much I appreciate the cards, flowers, balloons, and just having u take the time out to come. Actions speak so much louder than words.

Also, from my previous post, I'd like to thank Jacqueline. I took the time today to read into what you left for me and there was a lot of handy information in there.

Around the end of the week I'm going to try and get up and actually blog my experience. 9/26/08...jeez.


Mental Preparation

The week has arrived. At roughly 2 PM on Thursday, I will be checking in to Methodist Hospital. I have been trying unsuccessfully to psych myself out in regards to the whole thing. The truth of it all is, I'm really not ready to be cut open. I'm not ready to have my uterus cut open. I'm not ready to find out just how bad my case really is. And i'm not ready for the 4-week aftermath of the whole thing. I'm over the fact that I wont be celebrating my birthday. As far as birthdays go, I havent had a decent one since I was 19. I've reached the point where October 4th, is just another day of the year.

I'm not gonna sit here like everyone else, don my rose-colored shades, and pretend that it really is all going to turn out ok. Because in the reality, after the upwards of 7 or so consults I've endured with 3 different doctors, I'm more aware than I'd like to be. I wish I knew less about the whole thing, short of the "recovery time". I wish I could go into the whole thing believing it'd be 30 minutes of my life. 30 minutes is easier to stomach than 3 hours. The thought makes me nauseous...

So the next time someone says to you "hey, at least you have your health," sit back and think about it. You actually do have something there.


Kansas city loses to Atlanta, 38-14
Houston loses to Tennessee, 31-12
but New England gets smashed by Miami, 38-13.

really? why all the bias? they lost by generally the same. amount.

that's that bullshit.