What a year it's been. I quit my job. I moved 1000 miles across country
to my new home. I started a new job. I refused to compromise my beliefs
and lost a friend because of it. I traveled so far. I fell so hard in
love. Then I lost that love. I found out what it's really like to hate
your job. I lost 50 pounds. I decided to actively pursue my dreams. I
endured more surgeries. Friends died. I finally rose up against my
sister. I was lost. I quit my job again. Family died. I bonded with my
brother. I took up yoga. And spinning. I actually celebrated a birthday. I found two jobs, both in things I adore.
I moved, again. I discovered I was pregnant. I gained an understanding
of true love. I miscarried. I let go of the past. I learned about the
person I am. I realized the kind of person I will always be. I
reconnected with an old friend. She reunited me with a piece of myself I
lost years ago. I grew.
2013 taught me so much. about me. about
the people I choose to keep close. about the world around me. about
life. It was an emotional roller-coaster. But I have truly
grown....mentally and spiritually. I've found myself. I see things so
much clearer. Operation Three Ten was born this year. Based off of 1
Peter 3:10 - "Whoever desires to love life and see good days, let him
keep his tongue from evil and his lips from speaking deceit." December
2013 - 31 days, 10 things a day. 10 times, you discover what you are
grateful for. By today, the 31st day, 310 things will exist in your
memory. 310 things to take into 2014, to remind you why it's all worth
it. I'm very much looking forward to 2014. So for December 31st, I'm grateful for -
1) liberation
2) emotions
3) every day
4) intelligence
5) imagination
6) creativity
7) discovery
8) love in all forms
9) freedom of expression
10) my life....me
12.31.2013
12.30.2013
12/30
i'm grateful for....
1) my legacy
2) my future children
3) my past children
4) belief in reincarnation
5) the Bible
6) Faith
7) being loved
8) meditation
9) reputation
10) character
11) destiny
12) motherhood
13) hypocritical humility
14) honest arrogance
15) friends i've lost
16) friends i've made
17) chances
18) my friend becoming a mom
19) being a part of something much bigger than me
20) being so non-judgmental
1) my legacy
2) my future children
3) my past children
4) belief in reincarnation
5) the Bible
6) Faith
7) being loved
8) meditation
9) reputation
10) character
11) destiny
12) motherhood
13) hypocritical humility
14) honest arrogance
15) friends i've lost
16) friends i've made
17) chances
18) my friend becoming a mom
19) being a part of something much bigger than me
20) being so non-judgmental
12.29.2013
12/29
i'm grateful for...
1) red-heads
2) Bluetooth ear pieces
3) resolve
4) GPS
5) New Years plans!
6) goals for 2014
7) canvas posters
8) having someone to share experiences with
9) being 28
10) living
11) rediscovering my spirituality
12) embracing my sexuality
13) being different
14) serenity
15) retail
16) great customer service
17) clutches
18) accordion wallets
19) listen to your heart by Alicia Keys
20) the climb by Miley Cyrus
1) red-heads
2) Bluetooth ear pieces
3) resolve
4) GPS
5) New Years plans!
6) goals for 2014
7) canvas posters
8) having someone to share experiences with
9) being 28
10) living
11) rediscovering my spirituality
12) embracing my sexuality
13) being different
14) serenity
15) retail
16) great customer service
17) clutches
18) accordion wallets
19) listen to your heart by Alicia Keys
20) the climb by Miley Cyrus
12.28.2013
12/28
i'm grateful for...
1) kindred spirits
2) learning to walk away
3) reconnecting
4) healthy living
5) Josue
6) regret
7) being admired
8) making others happy
9) moving forward
10) ramen noodles
11) encouragement
12) standards
13) being understood
14) SNF/MNF theme songs
15) sarcasm
16) compassion
17) a part time job with flex hours
18) well-maintained facial hair
19) kingdom hearts
20) scarves
1) kindred spirits
2) learning to walk away
3) reconnecting
4) healthy living
5) Josue
6) regret
7) being admired
8) making others happy
9) moving forward
10) ramen noodles
11) encouragement
12) standards
13) being understood
14) SNF/MNF theme songs
15) sarcasm
16) compassion
17) a part time job with flex hours
18) well-maintained facial hair
19) kingdom hearts
20) scarves
12.27.2013
12/27
I'm grateful for....
1) scrapbooks and scrapbooking
2) green truck pub
3) my personal esthetician
4) Papilotte
5) Hartsfield/JFK airports
6) strangers
7) photo albums
8) fanboys
9) suicide hotlines
10) being perfectly imperfect
11) watching the sheriff ghost past me
12) the presence of justice
13) to have seen a black president
14) domino, the game
15) working late hours
16) the game have you ever
17) friends that know my allergies
18) friends who care about my well being
19) home videos
20) childhood
1) scrapbooks and scrapbooking
2) green truck pub
3) my personal esthetician
4) Papilotte
5) Hartsfield/JFK airports
6) strangers
7) photo albums
8) fanboys
9) suicide hotlines
10) being perfectly imperfect
11) watching the sheriff ghost past me
12) the presence of justice
13) to have seen a black president
14) domino, the game
15) working late hours
16) the game have you ever
17) friends that know my allergies
18) friends who care about my well being
19) home videos
20) childhood
12.26.2013
12/26
I am grateful for....
1) these visions I keep having of my future husband - I don't know who he is but damned if he doesn't make me smile every time
2) my lungs - my blood may not always work in tandem to get me the oxygen, but they are one body part that functions properly
3) Shane - he got a lot of things for me when my parents couldn't and never asked for any kind of repayment. now I pay it forward the same way
4) kindness - of strangers and familiars. when I needed it most, the right people just stepped in and gave of themselves
5) censors - without them censoring every other word....my brain wouldn't even register that some songs need 'censorship'
6) my scars - the little reminders
7) cruise control - for those leg cramps on long trips
8) stars - the sky is beautiful
9) jennifer - I think her words might have just found me and saved me
10) being able to see the growth of friends - i love that we can grow together
11) inspiration - strikes at the oddest times
12) kimye and bey-z both having girls - that means they can't grow up fall in love and have some super baby that makes me kill. everyone. -_-
13) Bill Goldberg - me & my dad were able to bond over that man
14) Batista - ...he's so pretty
15) Brock Lesnar - he's a BEAST
16) Big E - ...all the big guys. LOVE them. want to see them fight each other in some reckless 4 way elimination match
17) no traffic - i love getting home in 15 mins when it normally takes 40
18) movie nights - the simple stuff makes me so happy
19) snail mail - these notes I will treasure forever
20) new journeys - who likes doing the same thing day in and day out every single week?
1) these visions I keep having of my future husband - I don't know who he is but damned if he doesn't make me smile every time
2) my lungs - my blood may not always work in tandem to get me the oxygen, but they are one body part that functions properly
3) Shane - he got a lot of things for me when my parents couldn't and never asked for any kind of repayment. now I pay it forward the same way
4) kindness - of strangers and familiars. when I needed it most, the right people just stepped in and gave of themselves
5) censors - without them censoring every other word....my brain wouldn't even register that some songs need 'censorship'
6) my scars - the little reminders
7) cruise control - for those leg cramps on long trips
8) stars - the sky is beautiful
9) jennifer - I think her words might have just found me and saved me
10) being able to see the growth of friends - i love that we can grow together
11) inspiration - strikes at the oddest times
12) kimye and bey-z both having girls - that means they can't grow up fall in love and have some super baby that makes me kill. everyone. -_-
13) Bill Goldberg - me & my dad were able to bond over that man
14) Batista - ...he's so pretty
15) Brock Lesnar - he's a BEAST
16) Big E - ...all the big guys. LOVE them. want to see them fight each other in some reckless 4 way elimination match
17) no traffic - i love getting home in 15 mins when it normally takes 40
18) movie nights - the simple stuff makes me so happy
19) snail mail - these notes I will treasure forever
20) new journeys - who likes doing the same thing day in and day out every single week?
12.25.2013
12/25
I am grateful for....
1) my fellow medical workers - they saved my brother's life today
2) my nieces - they're a blessing for me and for him
3) bisexuality - although I'm no longer sure that I'm bisexual as much as...I can unbiasedly fall in love with anyone, as long as they have a good heart
4) people - the degree (it's not even a level anymore) of stupidity we've succumbed to is often downright hilarious.
5) rediscovering an old love - there's truly nothing like it in the world...
6) Xmas dinner with family - friends & family make the holidays a little nicer
7) my jack hat - it's a conversation starter, it's sexy on me, and it keeps my bald head warm. win-win-win
8) "good morning/night" texts - someone is thinking of me
9) Tristan - so many games I never would have seen, so much of life I never would have lived
10) Rose gold - I hate yellow gold. rose gold goes so much better with silver or white gold
11) my angel necklace - the sweetest way to remember Austin, given in gift form
12) an early paycheck - one of the best ways to welcome the holidays
13) gift cards - a quick, easy, and highly useful gift
14) fulfilling a promise - it makes me feel good to know I can keep my word
15) Darren - made sure I kept my cool around my sister today, even when she pushed those buttons
16) pasta - I'm a fat Italian at heart. it has to be in the genes somewhere
17) red velvet cake - ....it's red velvet cake
18) safe travels - as much driving as we do, I'm glad we get everywhere in one piece
19) wine - great when alone...better with company
20) comic-con - it's like the best of the world all wrapped up in one place
1) my fellow medical workers - they saved my brother's life today
2) my nieces - they're a blessing for me and for him
3) bisexuality - although I'm no longer sure that I'm bisexual as much as...I can unbiasedly fall in love with anyone, as long as they have a good heart
4) people - the degree (it's not even a level anymore) of stupidity we've succumbed to is often downright hilarious.
5) rediscovering an old love - there's truly nothing like it in the world...
6) Xmas dinner with family - friends & family make the holidays a little nicer
7) my jack hat - it's a conversation starter, it's sexy on me, and it keeps my bald head warm. win-win-win
8) "good morning/night" texts - someone is thinking of me
9) Tristan - so many games I never would have seen, so much of life I never would have lived
10) Rose gold - I hate yellow gold. rose gold goes so much better with silver or white gold
11) my angel necklace - the sweetest way to remember Austin, given in gift form
12) an early paycheck - one of the best ways to welcome the holidays
13) gift cards - a quick, easy, and highly useful gift
14) fulfilling a promise - it makes me feel good to know I can keep my word
15) Darren - made sure I kept my cool around my sister today, even when she pushed those buttons
16) pasta - I'm a fat Italian at heart. it has to be in the genes somewhere
17) red velvet cake - ....it's red velvet cake
18) safe travels - as much driving as we do, I'm glad we get everywhere in one piece
19) wine - great when alone...better with company
20) comic-con - it's like the best of the world all wrapped up in one place
12.24.2013
12/24
i'm grateful for...
1) my football knowledge - i can enjoy the game even when my teams aren't winning
2) being mostly fearless - I'm not limited by banal things
3) pre-Xmas dinner with friends - today was a great day
4) getting out of work early - always good, especially on christmas eve
5) Shaun T 5-min workouts - no excuse to skip a workout
6) my grandpapas - although I didn't have them in my life, I feel they watch over me
7) my grandmamas - i did have them both in my life, and they spoiled baby Jax
8) my nana - she didn't spoil me; she taught me how to care
9) Uncle Archie/Uncle Lefty - i looked forward to seeing them every single time. i hate u tobacco
10) salads - sometimes I just really want some spinach & arugula
11) my imperfections - they make me unique
12) my insecurities - they keep me grounded
13) military personnel - they keep me safe
14) thunderstorms - they scare me sometimes, but that's why I keep my friends so close
15) knowing my worth - who else will
16) having an upstairs apartment - f3ck clothes. i can be naked all day in my house. walk in and strip
17) southern hospitality - these people....the level of genuine niceness is incredible. I can't help but smile every day
18) the men I get to work with every day - that eye candy though
19) the kids I get to see every day - that playful innocence warms every inch of me
20) firefighters - for two reasons. yes.
1) my football knowledge - i can enjoy the game even when my teams aren't winning
2) being mostly fearless - I'm not limited by banal things
3) pre-Xmas dinner with friends - today was a great day
4) getting out of work early - always good, especially on christmas eve
5) Shaun T 5-min workouts - no excuse to skip a workout
6) my grandpapas - although I didn't have them in my life, I feel they watch over me
7) my grandmamas - i did have them both in my life, and they spoiled baby Jax
8) my nana - she didn't spoil me; she taught me how to care
9) Uncle Archie/Uncle Lefty - i looked forward to seeing them every single time. i hate u tobacco
10) salads - sometimes I just really want some spinach & arugula
11) my imperfections - they make me unique
12) my insecurities - they keep me grounded
13) military personnel - they keep me safe
14) thunderstorms - they scare me sometimes, but that's why I keep my friends so close
15) knowing my worth - who else will
16) having an upstairs apartment - f3ck clothes. i can be naked all day in my house. walk in and strip
17) southern hospitality - these people....the level of genuine niceness is incredible. I can't help but smile every day
18) the men I get to work with every day - that eye candy though
19) the kids I get to see every day - that playful innocence warms every inch of me
20) firefighters - for two reasons. yes.
12.23.2013
12/23
i'm grateful for...
1) being fought for - it's nice to have a reminder of that outside support
2) compliments - i love confidence boosters
3) being told I'm beautiful - because I forget sometimes
4) my freckles - they're a part of me, my mom, my lineage
5) awkward moments - lead to new doors being opened
6) quality time - one of the foundations of good relationships
7) long conversations - the other foundation of good relationships
8) a Capella singing groups - the talent of a capellas...astounding
9) my memories - subtle good (or bad) reminders of things long since passed
10) "just because" gifts - just because
11 & 12) Revelations - the Bible book, and the actual occurrences in real life
13) almond milk - for the lactose and soy intolerant, we can still have cereal
14) Christmas songs - sometimes they just lighten that mood
15) karma - bad or good....you get what you deserve
16) serendipity - made me rethink my stance on a few things this year. don't know how I ever looked at it any other way
17) my god parents - all that crazy kept me out of trouble
18) the rain - perfect for dancing
19) kisses - the way to express love
20) intimate moments - can turn a terrible day around real fast.
1) being fought for - it's nice to have a reminder of that outside support
2) compliments - i love confidence boosters
3) being told I'm beautiful - because I forget sometimes
4) my freckles - they're a part of me, my mom, my lineage
5) awkward moments - lead to new doors being opened
6) quality time - one of the foundations of good relationships
7) long conversations - the other foundation of good relationships
8) a Capella singing groups - the talent of a capellas...astounding
9) my memories - subtle good (or bad) reminders of things long since passed
10) "just because" gifts - just because
11 & 12) Revelations - the Bible book, and the actual occurrences in real life
13) almond milk - for the lactose and soy intolerant, we can still have cereal
14) Christmas songs - sometimes they just lighten that mood
15) karma - bad or good....you get what you deserve
16) serendipity - made me rethink my stance on a few things this year. don't know how I ever looked at it any other way
17) my god parents - all that crazy kept me out of trouble
18) the rain - perfect for dancing
19) kisses - the way to express love
20) intimate moments - can turn a terrible day around real fast.
12.22.2013
12/22
I am grateful for...
1) diesel - these shoes are epically comfortable
2) fossil - every single one of my watches. ...stylish
3) random white baby - when he reached out and grabbed my hand that cold fall day, I knew my destiny was in raising children
4) opportunity - it comes at the right time
5) forgiveness - it takes a lot of weight off of my shoulders
6) happiness - sometimes it is a choice, and I'd rather be happy than wallow in perpetual sadness
7) my barber - i like having someone I can trust to make my head pretty
8) sleeping in - there are days when it's just so necessary
9) communication - i hate being in the dark
10) personal growth - i'm proud of me
11) my zune - f3ck a ipad. my zune has done me no wrong ever.
12) consistent people - daddy taught me early that consistency is key to longstanding things
13) being able to swim - i love the water
14) my dreams - they make me face everything i'm in denial about
15) winter - makes for good nights of cuddling
16) summer - i need the sun, and with the summer sun comes SWIMMING
17) the rain - i don't know why, but it makes me think of fresh starts...washing away the old
18) the will to travel - i feel bad for those that limit themselves to their own four walls
19) daydreams - escapes from my reality are great for the psyche
20) great models of what true love looks like - so i'll know it when I get to experience it one day
1) diesel - these shoes are epically comfortable
2) fossil - every single one of my watches. ...stylish
3) random white baby - when he reached out and grabbed my hand that cold fall day, I knew my destiny was in raising children
4) opportunity - it comes at the right time
5) forgiveness - it takes a lot of weight off of my shoulders
6) happiness - sometimes it is a choice, and I'd rather be happy than wallow in perpetual sadness
7) my barber - i like having someone I can trust to make my head pretty
8) sleeping in - there are days when it's just so necessary
9) communication - i hate being in the dark
10) personal growth - i'm proud of me
11) my zune - f3ck a ipad. my zune has done me no wrong ever.
12) consistent people - daddy taught me early that consistency is key to longstanding things
13) being able to swim - i love the water
14) my dreams - they make me face everything i'm in denial about
15) winter - makes for good nights of cuddling
16) summer - i need the sun, and with the summer sun comes SWIMMING
17) the rain - i don't know why, but it makes me think of fresh starts...washing away the old
18) the will to travel - i feel bad for those that limit themselves to their own four walls
19) daydreams - escapes from my reality are great for the psyche
20) great models of what true love looks like - so i'll know it when I get to experience it one day
12.21.2013
12/21
I am grateful for...
1) cuddling - ...i like being close to people
2) Duke Crocker - if I have to choose between Duke & Nathan, it'll be me on Duke every. night.
3) massages - my body just needs it sometimes
4) squats - this ass though...
5) Key & Peele - Dan Smith is everything
6) popcorners - my favorite little snack. fuck pringles. I can never have just one of those
7) my eyes - not everyone can see those sunsets that I love
8) my ears - not everyone can hear the music that makes me smile
9) my nose - not everyone can smell the flowers, or bread baking. or the signs of danger like something burning
10) my heart - as much as it hurts to love, i'm glad it has such a great capacity for love. and pain.
11) adventurers - when you put down the smart phone, the video games, and the tablet....you'd be surprised what you get into
12) Dominican College - seriously one of the best times of my life
13) hotel living - how many students/people can say they lived in a hotel for a year? daily housekeeping, room service and ALL
14) Six Flags 2012 - riding Kingda Ka in an empty theme park while Hurricane Sandy roamed a few hundred miles off that jersey shore...we were kings
15) South Beach 2003 - we bonded. RFK & Naz came together and it worked
16) my sexuality - I like guys. I like girls. ...I just like people
17) day planners - my life got ridiculously busy this year. 2014 is going to own me
18) 2013 - this year taught me a lot about growing up. really growing up. not the shit half of my generation tries to pass off as being grown
19) my common sense - seriously, it has saved me from so much bullshit. and laughed in my face when I outright ignored it
20) The Simpsons - a cartoon almost as old as me. a cartoon so old and so ahead of it's time that big business can't even put a muzzle on it. talk about creative freedom.
today, it got easy again. 1/3 of the way there!
1) cuddling - ...i like being close to people
2) Duke Crocker - if I have to choose between Duke & Nathan, it'll be me on Duke every. night.
3) massages - my body just needs it sometimes
4) squats - this ass though...
5) Key & Peele - Dan Smith is everything
6) popcorners - my favorite little snack. fuck pringles. I can never have just one of those
7) my eyes - not everyone can see those sunsets that I love
8) my ears - not everyone can hear the music that makes me smile
9) my nose - not everyone can smell the flowers, or bread baking. or the signs of danger like something burning
10) my heart - as much as it hurts to love, i'm glad it has such a great capacity for love. and pain.
11) adventurers - when you put down the smart phone, the video games, and the tablet....you'd be surprised what you get into
12) Dominican College - seriously one of the best times of my life
13) hotel living - how many students/people can say they lived in a hotel for a year? daily housekeeping, room service and ALL
14) Six Flags 2012 - riding Kingda Ka in an empty theme park while Hurricane Sandy roamed a few hundred miles off that jersey shore...we were kings
15) South Beach 2003 - we bonded. RFK & Naz came together and it worked
16) my sexuality - I like guys. I like girls. ...I just like people
17) day planners - my life got ridiculously busy this year. 2014 is going to own me
18) 2013 - this year taught me a lot about growing up. really growing up. not the shit half of my generation tries to pass off as being grown
19) my common sense - seriously, it has saved me from so much bullshit. and laughed in my face when I outright ignored it
20) The Simpsons - a cartoon almost as old as me. a cartoon so old and so ahead of it's time that big business can't even put a muzzle on it. talk about creative freedom.
today, it got easy again. 1/3 of the way there!
12.20.2013
12/20
I'm grateful for...
1) my free round trip ticket - when i'm ready, i can go home
2) clock out time - i get to run home and dive into my bed
3) macys - ma makes that friends and family go FAR
4) cruises - who isn't grateful for a fantastic voyage
5) sunrises - i'm just a fan of the sun....I wish I could live under the sun. talk about a mood elevator
6) open-road driving - gives me time under the sun, and with my own thoughts
7) RFK - I actually ended up making most of my long-term connections during those years
8) Theo - he actually taught me to appreciate myself and love me
9) Arbor Mist - on those nights (or mornings) when I really need a drink
10) Spongebob Squarepants - he's got seth mcfarlane humor wrapped up in a pretty children's package
11) Netflix - saves lives
12) Vistaprint - keeps me stocked in writing supplies
13) Molecular gastronomy - nerd stuff and I LOVE IT
14) Treehouse hotels - I can experience nature without being thrown into the camping side
15) fondue - it's sophisticated, but not too sophisticated for me and my friends to go
16) "bucket" lists - they force people out of their comfort zones
17) waffles - with bananas, I will have breakfast
18) Keurigs - the most amazing invention....apple cider, hot chocolate, TEA
19) my soul mate - the possibility of one day starting our journey together gives me hope on lonely days
20) my enemies - they make me want to be better. better than me, and better than them
it's getting a little harder to pull out 20...
1) my free round trip ticket - when i'm ready, i can go home
2) clock out time - i get to run home and dive into my bed
3) macys - ma makes that friends and family go FAR
4) cruises - who isn't grateful for a fantastic voyage
5) sunrises - i'm just a fan of the sun....I wish I could live under the sun. talk about a mood elevator
6) open-road driving - gives me time under the sun, and with my own thoughts
7) RFK - I actually ended up making most of my long-term connections during those years
8) Theo - he actually taught me to appreciate myself and love me
9) Arbor Mist - on those nights (or mornings) when I really need a drink
10) Spongebob Squarepants - he's got seth mcfarlane humor wrapped up in a pretty children's package
11) Netflix - saves lives
12) Vistaprint - keeps me stocked in writing supplies
13) Molecular gastronomy - nerd stuff and I LOVE IT
14) Treehouse hotels - I can experience nature without being thrown into the camping side
15) fondue - it's sophisticated, but not too sophisticated for me and my friends to go
16) "bucket" lists - they force people out of their comfort zones
17) waffles - with bananas, I will have breakfast
18) Keurigs - the most amazing invention....apple cider, hot chocolate, TEA
19) my soul mate - the possibility of one day starting our journey together gives me hope on lonely days
20) my enemies - they make me want to be better. better than me, and better than them
it's getting a little harder to pull out 20...
12.19.2013
12/19
1) Luke - for helping me out of a pretty dark place
2) living alone - I wanted to live with someone. I understand the many benefits of living with someone. but to be on my own, it's been nice
3) Doctor Who - and David Tennant...great damn show. more sci-fi wonder
4) Supernatural - I think because it makes people look the other way at religion. so much myopia
5) cigarettes - in times of extreme duress, they've saved me
6) ice - what has actually become (as a side effect of pica) a healthier? replacement for cigarettes
7) Benadryl - for those sleepless nights
8) my primary birthmark - it makes me unique, and for some reason makes my patients happy when they 'play' with it
9) number block - they don't have to know you've blocked them and you never have to be bothered by their calls or rude texts
10) wellstar wellness - it's never been so easy for me to find good for me foods....and then gym it out afterwards
11) wellstar family - they welcomed me with open arms. I feel like I've been with them forever
12) chicken soup for the teenage soul - made my pre-teen & HS years slightly less awkward
13) the driver on 75 - hit those breaks, saved us BOTH a date with the sheriff
14) this and my curvy LJ - they've allowed me to see the endless loop I've been running all these years
15) false/short-term friends - they remind me to appreciate the ones who stand by relentlessly
16) pomegranate cranberry scented scrubs - i smell good, i feel good
17) Neil Gaiman - this dude...just writes for me
18) Amazon - just about everything I have ever needed, has come to my house in an Amazon 2-day shipping box
19) Alecia Moore - she's the Neil Gaiman of music for me....
20) Carrot/Carrot2 - the best damn apps I've downloaded. ever. period.
...almost halfway there
2) living alone - I wanted to live with someone. I understand the many benefits of living with someone. but to be on my own, it's been nice
3) Doctor Who - and David Tennant...great damn show. more sci-fi wonder
4) Supernatural - I think because it makes people look the other way at religion. so much myopia
5) cigarettes - in times of extreme duress, they've saved me
6) ice - what has actually become (as a side effect of pica) a healthier? replacement for cigarettes
7) Benadryl - for those sleepless nights
8) my primary birthmark - it makes me unique, and for some reason makes my patients happy when they 'play' with it
9) number block - they don't have to know you've blocked them and you never have to be bothered by their calls or rude texts
10) wellstar wellness - it's never been so easy for me to find good for me foods....and then gym it out afterwards
11) wellstar family - they welcomed me with open arms. I feel like I've been with them forever
12) chicken soup for the teenage soul - made my pre-teen & HS years slightly less awkward
13) the driver on 75 - hit those breaks, saved us BOTH a date with the sheriff
14) this and my curvy LJ - they've allowed me to see the endless loop I've been running all these years
15) false/short-term friends - they remind me to appreciate the ones who stand by relentlessly
16) pomegranate cranberry scented scrubs - i smell good, i feel good
17) Neil Gaiman - this dude...just writes for me
18) Amazon - just about everything I have ever needed, has come to my house in an Amazon 2-day shipping box
19) Alecia Moore - she's the Neil Gaiman of music for me....
20) Carrot/Carrot2 - the best damn apps I've downloaded. ever. period.
...almost halfway there
12.18.2013
12/18
what am I grateful for?
1) Austin - who knew you could love a little person so much without ever meeting them?
2) my pillows - honestly, if I had to choose, I'd go without a bed before I went without pillows
3) NCW - as hellacious as it was working under such disorganized management, I wouldn't trade the time I spent with my staff or my patients for anything.
4) John - a friend after the fact. I can't imagine where I'd be without some of his insight
5) iron - I'm seriously almost sure is die without it. or at least look that way to everyone. fuck anemia
6) social media - facebook, Twitter, Microsoft, Sony, Instagram...they've all shown me exactly the person I don't want to be. not now, not ever again
7) days off - I can sit by the water and just...be
8) nude beaches - yes
9) family - through watching them, I know what I will and won't do to and for my children. because I know what happens when you make the wrong choice
10) my smile - it may hide a lot of pain, but it brings so much joy to the people that see it.
11) my spirit - she's been here before, and she's nothing if not a fighter
12) religion - as much as it irks me, it's one of the few things left that actually manages to bring people together
13) my brothers - they didn't pick on me. they stepped in to help curtail the abuse from my sister
14) fight club - taught me that the real world isn't rosy. it's gritty and dark and scary
15) Steven J - showed me early in life what real love is. now I know it when I see it every day
16) Steven A - showed me what it is to be truly selfless and to care so genuinely about helping other people succeed. ...there honestly won't ever be another
17) lilies - I absolutely hate flowers... but it's just something about their simplistic beauty that just warms me
18) Jack & Sally - because that's how love should be
19) my new-found confidence - or maybe it's my attitude. whatever had me wake up one day, cut off ALL my hair and make this look good
20) my evolution - I can honestly say that despite every hangup, every snag every issue...I've managed to grow as a person. and it's made me better. and given me so much clarity
I can't believe i've actually managed 60 of these already...its like a workout for the soul
1) Austin - who knew you could love a little person so much without ever meeting them?
2) my pillows - honestly, if I had to choose, I'd go without a bed before I went without pillows
3) NCW - as hellacious as it was working under such disorganized management, I wouldn't trade the time I spent with my staff or my patients for anything.
4) John - a friend after the fact. I can't imagine where I'd be without some of his insight
5) iron - I'm seriously almost sure is die without it. or at least look that way to everyone. fuck anemia
6) social media - facebook, Twitter, Microsoft, Sony, Instagram...they've all shown me exactly the person I don't want to be. not now, not ever again
7) days off - I can sit by the water and just...be
8) nude beaches - yes
9) family - through watching them, I know what I will and won't do to and for my children. because I know what happens when you make the wrong choice
10) my smile - it may hide a lot of pain, but it brings so much joy to the people that see it.
11) my spirit - she's been here before, and she's nothing if not a fighter
12) religion - as much as it irks me, it's one of the few things left that actually manages to bring people together
13) my brothers - they didn't pick on me. they stepped in to help curtail the abuse from my sister
14) fight club - taught me that the real world isn't rosy. it's gritty and dark and scary
15) Steven J - showed me early in life what real love is. now I know it when I see it every day
16) Steven A - showed me what it is to be truly selfless and to care so genuinely about helping other people succeed. ...there honestly won't ever be another
17) lilies - I absolutely hate flowers... but it's just something about their simplistic beauty that just warms me
18) Jack & Sally - because that's how love should be
19) my new-found confidence - or maybe it's my attitude. whatever had me wake up one day, cut off ALL my hair and make this look good
20) my evolution - I can honestly say that despite every hangup, every snag every issue...I've managed to grow as a person. and it's made me better. and given me so much clarity
I can't believe i've actually managed 60 of these already...its like a workout for the soul
12.17.2013
12/17
I'm grateful for...
1) cheese - the second greatest comfort food
2) semi-classic disney movies - 90s disney was my everything
3) my job - it's not quite what I want, but it's close. it let's me help people
4) music - what would life be like without it
5) full moons - i can make wishes on them
6) wishes - they save lives
7) my strength - it's wavered a lot in the the past 8 years but it has never failed me
8) these fibroids - i have an extra appreciation for the health I do have because I know when they want, they can make my life pure hell
9) my journals - they allow me to express my deepest fears, concerns, and feelings without judgment. I'm also able to look back on the past because of them
10) my car - i love to drive. she lets me get out and see whole new things every time i hit the road
11) my heritage - being spanish, irish, native american, and african-american is the coolest thing. I find it hard to be biased in relationships
12) postsecret - i relate to so many of those postcards. It's hard to feel lonely.
13) my imagination - i love to dream and fantasize
14) children - the one consistent theme throughout my life has been my love for kids and the need to help them in any way I can
15) Karina - the closest person to me. I don't know where I would be without her
16) yoga - talk about centering the mind
17) CM Punk - whether it's the character or Phil is actually that lyrically gifted, I love to hear him talk. SO often he says what others won't say, can't say. pushing those boundaries. I. love it.
18) my tattoos - "tattoos are like wearing your heart on your sleeve. It's about showing who you are on the inside by showing it on the outside" - CM Punk
19) poetry - sometimes other people put into words what I'm unable to, and it's amazing
20) naps - i'm just so sleepy all of the time
1) cheese - the second greatest comfort food
2) semi-classic disney movies - 90s disney was my everything
3) my job - it's not quite what I want, but it's close. it let's me help people
4) music - what would life be like without it
5) full moons - i can make wishes on them
6) wishes - they save lives
7) my strength - it's wavered a lot in the the past 8 years but it has never failed me
8) these fibroids - i have an extra appreciation for the health I do have because I know when they want, they can make my life pure hell
9) my journals - they allow me to express my deepest fears, concerns, and feelings without judgment. I'm also able to look back on the past because of them
10) my car - i love to drive. she lets me get out and see whole new things every time i hit the road
11) my heritage - being spanish, irish, native american, and african-american is the coolest thing. I find it hard to be biased in relationships
12) postsecret - i relate to so many of those postcards. It's hard to feel lonely.
13) my imagination - i love to dream and fantasize
14) children - the one consistent theme throughout my life has been my love for kids and the need to help them in any way I can
15) Karina - the closest person to me. I don't know where I would be without her
16) yoga - talk about centering the mind
17) CM Punk - whether it's the character or Phil is actually that lyrically gifted, I love to hear him talk. SO often he says what others won't say, can't say. pushing those boundaries. I. love it.
18) my tattoos - "tattoos are like wearing your heart on your sleeve. It's about showing who you are on the inside by showing it on the outside" - CM Punk
19) poetry - sometimes other people put into words what I'm unable to, and it's amazing
20) naps - i'm just so sleepy all of the time
Operation Three Ten
I inquired of a couple friends the story
behind this "Operation Three Ten" that infected my facebook timeline
before I cut everything off. Interestingly enough, it's got a religious
back story. Of course, yea, I don't subscribe to the whole system of
religion but as always...my curiosity is my lead.The story goes, that
for each day in December, you record 10 things that you're grateful for.
By month's end, you've got 310 things to culminate the year with. The
religion behind it? 1 Peter 3:10 - whoever desires to love life and see
good days, let him keep his tongue from evil and his lips from speaking
deceit.
I can dig it. But since I'm half a month late, I think I'll double up for a spell. 20 a day (so far) has been tough as shit. But...it's forcing me to look at my life, and take note every day, of the things i'm grateful for, big and small. The universe is working overtime to keep me writing..."the writing's on the wall" after all. Talk about irony...
I can dig it. But since I'm half a month late, I think I'll double up for a spell. 20 a day (so far) has been tough as shit. But...it's forcing me to look at my life, and take note every day, of the things i'm grateful for, big and small. The universe is working overtime to keep me writing..."the writing's on the wall" after all. Talk about irony...
12.16.2013
Gratitude
What am I grateful for....
1) for Brooklyn, NY - my first home
2) for Stockbridge - my new home
3) my mother - as dumb as some of my decisions have been, she's been relentlessly supportive
4) my father - as un-smart as he is, he taught me early on how to fight
5) my curiosity - it keeps me interested in new things
6) my education - i see the world differently because of it
7) my twin nephews - it's amazing how different two literal peas in a pod can be, and how much they influence me
8) Haven - my new TV obsession
9) Syfy - Although they kill all my shows after 5 seasons, they brought me Warehouse 13, Haven, and Eureka....so missed
10) Shadow - the loyalty of this cat is incredible. He always knows when to curl up with me and keep me company
11) Cartoons - they are the only connection I think I have left to my childhood, although the cartoons I watch now aren't child-friendly
12) BOOKS - a consistent escape from reality
13) football - the Sundays, Mondays and Thursdays between September and February are just. magical.
14) my god-parents - She balances out his crazy so well
15) my phone - I wouldn't be able to keep in contact with my parents...or maybe it's the other way around
16) Aunt Cheryl - I'll be damned if I didn't pick up a part of her spirit when she died
17) lavender - it's one of the few scents that just perk me up
18) past relationships - good and bad, they've had a part in the person I am today
19) chocolate - the BEST comfort food
20) for being me...just for being me
1) for Brooklyn, NY - my first home
2) for Stockbridge - my new home
3) my mother - as dumb as some of my decisions have been, she's been relentlessly supportive
4) my father - as un-smart as he is, he taught me early on how to fight
5) my curiosity - it keeps me interested in new things
6) my education - i see the world differently because of it
7) my twin nephews - it's amazing how different two literal peas in a pod can be, and how much they influence me
8) Haven - my new TV obsession
9) Syfy - Although they kill all my shows after 5 seasons, they brought me Warehouse 13, Haven, and Eureka....so missed
10) Shadow - the loyalty of this cat is incredible. He always knows when to curl up with me and keep me company
11) Cartoons - they are the only connection I think I have left to my childhood, although the cartoons I watch now aren't child-friendly
12) BOOKS - a consistent escape from reality
13) football - the Sundays, Mondays and Thursdays between September and February are just. magical.
14) my god-parents - She balances out his crazy so well
15) my phone - I wouldn't be able to keep in contact with my parents...or maybe it's the other way around
16) Aunt Cheryl - I'll be damned if I didn't pick up a part of her spirit when she died
17) lavender - it's one of the few scents that just perk me up
18) past relationships - good and bad, they've had a part in the person I am today
19) chocolate - the BEST comfort food
20) for being me...just for being me
Here's to forever
I can remember eons ago. we talked. for hours on end. I miss that. I miss who you were. I miss who we
were. But I guess that's gone now. Life has taken that away. I suppose I
need to accept reality. I need to stop clinging to the past, because
it's not coming back. We'll always have our younger days right?
Death to social media or death of human interaction?
I really didn't want to write this entry. then, I reeeeally didn't want to post this entry. but sometimes posts aren't for the writer. sometimes words really just need to be said. I've been harboring this little bubble of frustration for a couple days and I just can't take it anymore.
I was told to unplug for 48 hours as one of my 28s. That means no calls, no texts, no social fucking media. I thought it would be hard at first. But I've found that the number of people who talk to me consistently enough to notice a 48 hour absence, is a very small number. on top of that, not being so attached to that world allowed me to get out and explore my own. honestly, I unplug randomly for days at a time now and literally TWO people notice.
but this whole thing made me think. I started thinking back to school. all the things I learned from actual against-the-grain professors. and I'm actually appalled. the more I unplug, the less I find myself needing or even wanting to plug back in. I like going out. I like exploring the world. I like trying new things. I DONT like worry about what the next person is doing. I DONT like being afraid I've missed something that isn't even all that important. I DONT like being a slave to social fucking media.
honestly...my generation. and many that will come behind us. are screwed. we as a group of people are more disconnected than ever. we would sooner text, iChat, facebook, tweet, or some other crap before we pick up a phone, write a letter, or even venture out of the house. I shudder to think of what writing will even be like in the future since NO ONE WRITES ANYMORE. it's all typing. all of it. everything. computers. I've come to understand why I gravitate towards these 'adventurous' people. it's not because they're adventurous. it's because they'd rather turn the electronics off and actually engage in human interaction. I didn't realize how much I missed that. I say fuck it. I'm over facebook. I'm over twitter. I'm over Instagram. I refuse to live my life one 'like' at a time. I'm casting off the shackles of social media. I'm turning off the computer and all of the all-too-accessible
apps. I'm getting back to real life.
One of my professors said something along these lines once - "the more connected we are, the more distant we become". what will be our endgame?
I was told to unplug for 48 hours as one of my 28s. That means no calls, no texts, no social fucking media. I thought it would be hard at first. But I've found that the number of people who talk to me consistently enough to notice a 48 hour absence, is a very small number. on top of that, not being so attached to that world allowed me to get out and explore my own. honestly, I unplug randomly for days at a time now and literally TWO people notice.
but this whole thing made me think. I started thinking back to school. all the things I learned from actual against-the-grain professors. and I'm actually appalled. the more I unplug, the less I find myself needing or even wanting to plug back in. I like going out. I like exploring the world. I like trying new things. I DONT like worry about what the next person is doing. I DONT like being afraid I've missed something that isn't even all that important. I DONT like being a slave to social fucking media.
honestly...my generation. and many that will come behind us. are screwed. we as a group of people are more disconnected than ever. we would sooner text, iChat, facebook, tweet, or some other crap before we pick up a phone, write a letter, or even venture out of the house. I shudder to think of what writing will even be like in the future since NO ONE WRITES ANYMORE. it's all typing. all of it. everything. computers. I've come to understand why I gravitate towards these 'adventurous' people. it's not because they're adventurous. it's because they'd rather turn the electronics off and actually engage in human interaction. I didn't realize how much I missed that. I say fuck it. I'm over facebook. I'm over twitter. I'm over Instagram. I refuse to live my life one 'like' at a time. I'm casting off the shackles of social media. I'm turning off the computer and all of the all-too-accessible
apps. I'm getting back to real life.
One of my professors said something along these lines once - "the more connected we are, the more distant we become". what will be our endgame?
12.14.2013
Busy bee
Today I learned something about me. I am not a homebody. At least not when I can help it. Luke came by and made a day of our lunch date. I finally got out and explored the neighborhood. I didn't realize how much was really so close to me. I could walk to half of the places I frequent! There's so much we can do that we could have been doing for weeks now. It always takes the right person to push you that extra bit. Ugh...now I feel like work is getting in the way of life. There are so many parks and diners and trails and lounges for me to get out and explore. Today, lunch. Tomorrow, football mania. Next week, botanical gardens. ....I didn't even know there was a botanical gardens here!
Tonight though....he learns about Haven and Doctor Who. No one is immune!
Tonight though....he learns about Haven and Doctor Who. No one is immune!
Endings
Such a disappointment, when people don't live up to expectations.
Sometimes all you can do is....end it.
Sometimes all you can do is....end it.
12.13.2013
Generation lost
Behold, a generation lost to narcissism. A populace who believes that no experience is worth having unless it has been uploaded, and received it's fair share of hits.
12.12.2013
Metaphors
I can see why people pitched such a fit over Varsity Blues. Back when it came out the reception was nothing short of unabashed horror. Who can blame the public? A movie depiciting the most racially stereotypical example of white people of that time. And then to set it in Texas? The nerve. But while everyone (of a particular group) was so wrapped up in the surface of the movie, they completely missed the symbolism of the whole thing. The overtly oppressive ruler who everyone is afraid to stand up to..and individual who they go as far as explaining away the wretched behavior of. And it takes the demise of more than one individual on the receiving end to get one person to lead the charge and rise up against the oppressor.
If those athletes are nota reference for....any number of troubled groups of people anywhere in the world. And that ridiculous man of a coach who did nothing but use them to further his own needs. How did people not see this when they flocked to the movies? Why do we rarely bother to look beyond the surface of things? The world would be a little grittier but so much more enriching.
If those athletes are nota reference for....any number of troubled groups of people anywhere in the world. And that ridiculous man of a coach who did nothing but use them to further his own needs. How did people not see this when they flocked to the movies? Why do we rarely bother to look beyond the surface of things? The world would be a little grittier but so much more enriching.
12.11.2013
Mirrors
Find a moment to look yourself in the mirror and start asking yourself those uncomfortable questions:
Am I maximizing my life to its full potential?
Am I being kind to all or most people that I come in contact with?
Am I waking up every day with good intentions towards others?
When I apologize is it sincere?
Do I only show up for people or things if I'm getting something out of it?
What is my DNA make-up?
If I were to leave this earth tomorrow what would they say about me?
Sometimes you have to look yourself in the mirror and ask those hard questions. And if you don't like the answers, it's time for a change
Am I maximizing my life to its full potential?
Am I being kind to all or most people that I come in contact with?
Am I waking up every day with good intentions towards others?
When I apologize is it sincere?
Do I only show up for people or things if I'm getting something out of it?
What is my DNA make-up?
If I were to leave this earth tomorrow what would they say about me?
Sometimes you have to look yourself in the mirror and ask those hard questions. And if you don't like the answers, it's time for a change
12.10.2013
Bonding
While I was home, I decided to tell my
mother about the miscarriage. I don't really have anyone in my circle
that I can relate it to, and as far as I can tell support groups are
hard to come by. She wasn't pleased. She gave me the usual rhetoric
about stability and family and having a foundation before doing all that
- which I understand - and I've taken it to heart. But she also told me
what I needed to hear. She sat with me and asked how I was feeling,
physically and mentally. She told me how to take care of myself, because
the physical healing is slow. She listened when I told her how excited I
was, and all the dreams I had. She hugged me tight when I started to
cry. She even told me the full story about my two brothers that she lost
before luck gave her me. I've never heard her talk about them. Only
once in passing did she even mention Walter, the one just before me.
I understand her a little more now, a little better. And I feel better. My behavior, my reactions, my feelings are entirely normal. I needed the affirmation.
I understand her a little more now, a little better. And I feel better. My behavior, my reactions, my feelings are entirely normal. I needed the affirmation.
12.09.2013
Weekend in review
Holy cow. I went home for my
family's annual Christmas party. I was literally home for 72 hours.
Roughly 18 of those were spent in some semblance of sleep. The other 54
were spent running. Running from Former Job 2 to Former Job 1. Running from Former job 1 to the hospital. Running
errands with ma. Playing chauffeur for dad. Stopping in with my
godparents. Skating to Jersey to see a college buddy. Skating back to
NYC to lend support to a high school friend. And finally landing in the
Christmas party that took me there in the first place. Even when that
ended, I had to wake up early yesterday to pack and prepare for a visit
from another college buddy before heading to the airport. I'm still not
actually sure how. I. did it. I've never done that before. I never want
to do that again. That took a toll on my everything.
I was happy to see everyone. I saw many more people than I intended or expected to. It was open arms from friends, family, and extended family. I've been avoiding home since I left. Keeping minimal contact except for those that came in to visit me here. It wasn't anything against them, but my main reason for leaving NY was to get away from all of the drama. the negativity. the bad blood. I just didn't want to get pulled back in once I got out. I didn't realize what that was doing to me. Until I got home. When your own parents don't recognize you because of how different you look, it's time to take stock. I see me every day, I don't notice these things. But the first comment I got from everyone, even long-time friends, was how great I look. I haven't taken any pictures since I left. I've got one or two from the summer wedding, but even that was months ago. It didn't help them any that I cut off all of my hair. I actually had to stifle a laugh as an old friend asked me out, thinking I was someone completely new. I'm not the same person that left New York 8 months ago - not at all. Not mentally, emotionally, or physically. I'm so glad.
I was happy to see everyone. I saw many more people than I intended or expected to. It was open arms from friends, family, and extended family. I've been avoiding home since I left. Keeping minimal contact except for those that came in to visit me here. It wasn't anything against them, but my main reason for leaving NY was to get away from all of the drama. the negativity. the bad blood. I just didn't want to get pulled back in once I got out. I didn't realize what that was doing to me. Until I got home. When your own parents don't recognize you because of how different you look, it's time to take stock. I see me every day, I don't notice these things. But the first comment I got from everyone, even long-time friends, was how great I look. I haven't taken any pictures since I left. I've got one or two from the summer wedding, but even that was months ago. It didn't help them any that I cut off all of my hair. I actually had to stifle a laugh as an old friend asked me out, thinking I was someone completely new. I'm not the same person that left New York 8 months ago - not at all. Not mentally, emotionally, or physically. I'm so glad.
12.08.2013
Rebirth
"For something to be reborn, there has to be an acknowledgement of something that died. We all have moments in our lives where a piece of us dies. But there has to be a grieving. There has to be a reckoning. You can’t move forward without comprehending and dealing with the losses that have occurred."
There are things that I'm learning died long ago, and I just wasn't willing to see it. To accept it. And seeing it now, a piece of me has indeed died. And now I have to work on the afters of that loss.
There are things that I'm learning died long ago, and I just wasn't willing to see it. To accept it. And seeing it now, a piece of me has indeed died. And now I have to work on the afters of that loss.
12.07.2013
Human Condition?
"When your back is turned, fake friends decide to get others on their side and turn people against you"
"Don't worry about what people say behind your back. They are the people who are finding faults in your life instead of fixing the faults in their own life"
I don't understand how people work. I sit and I listen to what (most) people do when relationships go sour. All facets of relationships. It's like people are compulsively driven to divulge the most disturbing, horrifying, personal things about an individual to others. I've sat back and watched former lovers, family members and friends react that way. In public no less. I was even guilty of it when I was younger. It does nothing but make me uncomfortable now. And a little sad. I'm so thankful for Sociology. It has changed the way I view and approach people. Maybe it's all a defense mechanism. We feel better about ourselves if we can in a way put someone else lower than us. It's as if they weren't happy when things were going well, or were pretending to be. Can one bad experience really sour you on life and everyone all together?
When I told my mother what I discovered a former friend was doing with my trust in her, she had two things to say to me - "be careful who you call a friend" and "don't allow yourself to go to that level". But I never had the urge to do that. I never felt the need to run around and tell everyone everything about her. It seemed...juvenile to me. And I have my integrity. The more people I hear that she's "told about me", the more I pity her. It's a shame that she feels she needs to validate her existence, feel important...relevant....by discussing me with whoever will entertain her.
There are a few lines from Survivor that flashed across my mind the instant she started spiraling -
I'm not gon blast you on the radio, I'm not gon lie on you and your family, You know I'm not gon diss you on the internet, cause my mama taught me better than that.
She did teach me better, early in life. I'm glad for it. School solidified it for me.
"Don't worry about what people say behind your back. They are the people who are finding faults in your life instead of fixing the faults in their own life"
I don't understand how people work. I sit and I listen to what (most) people do when relationships go sour. All facets of relationships. It's like people are compulsively driven to divulge the most disturbing, horrifying, personal things about an individual to others. I've sat back and watched former lovers, family members and friends react that way. In public no less. I was even guilty of it when I was younger. It does nothing but make me uncomfortable now. And a little sad. I'm so thankful for Sociology. It has changed the way I view and approach people. Maybe it's all a defense mechanism. We feel better about ourselves if we can in a way put someone else lower than us. It's as if they weren't happy when things were going well, or were pretending to be. Can one bad experience really sour you on life and everyone all together?
When I told my mother what I discovered a former friend was doing with my trust in her, she had two things to say to me - "be careful who you call a friend" and "don't allow yourself to go to that level". But I never had the urge to do that. I never felt the need to run around and tell everyone everything about her. It seemed...juvenile to me. And I have my integrity. The more people I hear that she's "told about me", the more I pity her. It's a shame that she feels she needs to validate her existence, feel important...relevant....by discussing me with whoever will entertain her.
There are a few lines from Survivor that flashed across my mind the instant she started spiraling -
I'm not gon blast you on the radio, I'm not gon lie on you and your family, You know I'm not gon diss you on the internet, cause my mama taught me better than that.
She did teach me better, early in life. I'm glad for it. School solidified it for me.
12.06.2013
Homecoming
I came home yesterday. It was amazing. Sure, I've only been gone a few months, but they made me feel like it's been years. I saw some old friends. And some new ones. I saw my patients. I didn't realize how much I missed them until I came back. I know my friends will always be there, in one way or another. I don't know how long my patients will be around. Three of them have gone in the few months I've been away. Being back, it's become insurmountably obvious how much I've grown. When did that happen?
Regardless, I don't believe that whole thing "you can't go home". I go home when I wanna. I just have to accept that I'm changing. And so is home.
Regardless, I don't believe that whole thing "you can't go home". I go home when I wanna. I just have to accept that I'm changing. And so is home.
12.05.2013
For Better or Worse
2013 has been a year of proposals. Three
friends have all taken that big step into matrimony, the most recent
this week. I just love happy endings. They make me so hopeful for my own
future. I wonder what waits for me down the road.
They keep me positive. Congratulations and infinite well wishes =)
12.04.2013
Round up
A few weeks ago I took on 28 tasks to complete during the course of my
28th year. I had four really good contributors and in the end, my list
came out looking fantastic. I'm well on my way to covering them all -
I've tackled 5 and I'm only 3 months in to the year. On Saturday, I took
on one more. I've been talking to a friend, an RN, about a lot of
issues - particularly my health and what it's been doing to my mental
state. He suggested I add one more task to my list, a considerably small
one. I should try to update my journal(s) every day for the month of
December. I've tried to before, always fallen off for one reason or
another. Or maybe I just allowed myself to be distracted from doing it.
Either way, I've committed to updating at least one outlet every day
this month. I think it may actually work in my favor. I can sum up the
inception, progression, evolution and cessation of this year. It's been
up and down, and I'll have my reference going in to 2014. I'll have
reminders. I never turn down a challenge.
12.03.2013
Relationships
"The people we are in relationships with are always a mirror, reflecting our own beliefs. And simultaneously we are mirrors, reflecting their beliefs. So relationships are one of the most powerful tools for growth. If we look honestly at our relationships, we can see so much about how we have created them"
There are reasons why we have so many types and levels of relationships in our lives. If they wither or if they flourish, they all serve a purpose. They, along with environmental factors, help shape us and who we are. In looking back at all of my relationships - family, friends, romantic...past and present included - I can see how every decision made. or not made. affected them. affected me. For bettor or worse, this is me. And I own the person I've become. I'm anxious to get to know the individual I will be.
There are reasons why we have so many types and levels of relationships in our lives. If they wither or if they flourish, they all serve a purpose. They, along with environmental factors, help shape us and who we are. In looking back at all of my relationships - family, friends, romantic...past and present included - I can see how every decision made. or not made. affected them. affected me. For bettor or worse, this is me. And I own the person I've become. I'm anxious to get to know the individual I will be.
12.02.2013
Overhaul?
"If you hate your job, find a new one
If you hate your relationship, find a new one
If your life is too stressful, find out why and fix it
Don’t medicate yourself to the point of becoming complacent with your unhappiness.
If you’re unhappy - find out why, and fix it. It may take some work to get your life in order, but anything worth doing takes some effort. Don’t take the easy way out."
What a year it's been. I've had realizations of self and of others. I've had revelations of my future, and life in general. I'm on my way to 29. No time like the present to start my life. It's time I start living for me. I can't keep trying to break in everyone else, especially if they aren't ready. I don't want to be ok with my unhappy anymore. No one should be. There are people in much worse off situations than me and they are able to see silver linings somewhere. No more feeling sorry for myself. Not when I can change the situation. I know why I'm unhappy, I've deduced the three primary reasons. And I'm putting things in motion so that I can have a fresh start in the new year. I started off 2013 in a good place because I made the decision to leave a job that abused me, that led me to hate going in to work. I aim to start 2014 in a similar place; it's what I need.
If you hate your relationship, find a new one
If your life is too stressful, find out why and fix it
Don’t medicate yourself to the point of becoming complacent with your unhappiness.
If you’re unhappy - find out why, and fix it. It may take some work to get your life in order, but anything worth doing takes some effort. Don’t take the easy way out."
What a year it's been. I've had realizations of self and of others. I've had revelations of my future, and life in general. I'm on my way to 29. No time like the present to start my life. It's time I start living for me. I can't keep trying to break in everyone else, especially if they aren't ready. I don't want to be ok with my unhappy anymore. No one should be. There are people in much worse off situations than me and they are able to see silver linings somewhere. No more feeling sorry for myself. Not when I can change the situation. I know why I'm unhappy, I've deduced the three primary reasons. And I'm putting things in motion so that I can have a fresh start in the new year. I started off 2013 in a good place because I made the decision to leave a job that abused me, that led me to hate going in to work. I aim to start 2014 in a similar place; it's what I need.
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