1) My father told me without meaning to, that he actually did manage to cheat on my sis/bro's mom, and had my other 'brother' the year after my sister, & b4 big brother. A. mazing. I was tempted to ask how their mom felt about it, but he tends to get 'cautious' when my mom's around so i have chosen to save it for another day.
2) The source of my depression hit me ridiculously hard just yesterday. Due to issues that I cant let go of and problems that I cant fix or get rid of, I sit in a hole that just gets bigger every day. No one else (including laughable therapy) was able to put together that alllll of those things are the reasoning behind me wanting to move as far away from here as possible and never look back. I'm sitting here staring at my issues and problems daily..having them thrown repeatedly into my face or nagging at me whenever my mind is able to wander - which is increasingly more often. That being another problem, since I'm unable to escape, I've thrown every bit of my energy into the one thing that I'm in control of and that I can change - ergo my new weight obsession. i've so far lost 4lbs this week, and I need to lose 2 more by saturday. Dont even ask why. I have to be 155 by May 13th. No room for error.
3) Money management actually is a genetic thing. My father's whole side of the family sucks with money. Their priorities are shit. Absolute shit. He repeatedly 'forgets' to pay the rent, but continues to play his numbers, get his nails done, and hit olive garden twice a week. Sister dearest gets money sent to her and manages to 'lose' evidence that she paid taxes on a house that the family owns. Cant fuck with the govt though, so when they come knocking, she remembers that she actually spent it on a new living room. what a shame. Big brother, in the most amazing act of a father ever, spends his and his son's money on sneakers, hoodies, coats, and weed. A 43 year old reckless teenager...god awful. I cannot and will not b a product or part of any situation like that. Ever. I just absolutely refuse to become my mother. Not gonna have my hard-earned money siphoned away when I can stop it.
4) It is pointless for me to ask for specific 'gifts'. I use quotes because it isnt always a gift situation, sometimes I get 'is there anything u want'? Why is it unnecessary? Because when u do ask for sumthing specific, the request is highly ignored or put down. In the last year, I've asked for a Mario album, 'J' earrings, a camera, a Wii, and a PS2 which is disgustingly inexpensive compared to the new-gen. I ended up buying the album and the earrings as gifts to myself. decided to leave the Wii until next year, and i'm getting the ps2 together now.
I will own this camera by the end of the year. And i'm officially not accepting anything else for gifts. Unless its $ that can be put toward me getting this camera, it can wait until next year. Period. I'm now in the business of being proactive and wont allow anything to be wasted. Thats my resolution for 2008.
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