The Line

When you've got know where else to turn, blogging is the way to go. Inspired by a very good buddy of mine, i've taken it upon myself to express my thoughts here. This wont be too bad for a first entry.

Have you ever had an experience where someone took the idea of "above and beyond" too far? Like initially you brush it off as a kindness, but with time you begin to wonder. That's been my place as of late. What do you do when your professor crosses the line? I mean, essentially, they hold your life in their hands...they can technically pass you or fail you at will, even if your work says contrary.

I guess it was my bad luck having someone so close to me pass away that brought all of this on in the first place. A very close cousin died early october, right after my birthday. I took time off from school for her funeral because it was important to me. When i came back, for some reason unknown to me, things had changed. This professor took something that was a private matter between my family and the administration and shared it with my class. Innocent enough, sure. He got the class to sign a card for me. Very nice and appreciated. But then it got weirder. His next step was to ask if he could come to my house and "pray with the family", because he is a priest. Thats all well and good and nice i'm sure, but my parents have their own parish with their own priest...they didnt need his presence. He started making it a point to direct attention to me in class, asking me questions about my home life and my family, during. class. Because i'm still not putting much thought behind the situation i respond, of course not being all revealing because...i dont know this man from adam. I guess that wasnt enough for him as he got hold of my cell phone number and called me 8:30 at night asking if it was ok for him to "visit". Never in my 18 years of schooling...has any teacher wanted to visit my house, me a student. and i spent almost all of those 18 years in catholic schools...with priests and nuns galore.

Mother dearest initially was pissed off at this fact and proceeded to call his phone, before class, and telling him in no uncertain terms that his concern was appreciated, but not welcome by the family as we had our own ways of handling the situation. That worked for all of a day. After that, he started referring to me as "his friend in the corner at the back of the classroom". Other people would ask him questions about himself and he'd somehow work me into it. There was some event being held at his church which he said was nearby him. A fellow student, not really wanting to learn about theology, asked him where he lived. His response? "oh, not far from my friend in the back of the classroom, although she never comes to visit me" Why in the fuck would i go visit a professor at his home ever for any reason? That in itself is suspect. Of course, as my generation does, everyone turned to look at me and started whispering and laughing, while he stands there with a retarded grin on his face. I know what they were thinking, because I would have thought it too with what he said - "whats she doing going to see him" and "ooh, i wonder why he knows where she lives". yea...its not obvious what that looks like.

Anyone who knows me knows that i dont handle conflict well at all. Because of this douche, I forfeited two weeks of classes and missed god knows how much homework. I felt that if i wasnt there, he couldnt embarass me in front of the class. But him erasing the line carried over for me. I have all male teachers...so when i do go to class i sit and wonder, panicked, whats going on in their minds as they look at me...are they like him? Its even gotten to the point now where i have nightmares of this guy following me around and even talking to my friends trying to get information from them. i havent really slept in weeks. i wake up afraid that my dreams are real and he's actually that close to me all the time. Mother, knowing all of this, is dismissing it entirely. she's like the chic in an abusive relationship that copes by saying that they're just love taps. she tells me to go to school and sit there in class, "try to ignore him, u only hav a couple weeks to go, just cope u'll be fine" (this from the same person who thought that my depression was a tantrum that i could turn on and off) a couple which was in reality 7 weeks, and is currently still 4 to go. She is not me, and she apparently doesnt know me, because i cant just sit and brush off the inappropriate comments and the stares i get from the class of 40. its ridiculous.

But i've found someone a little smarter, someone who actually took the time to consider my situation. Unlike my parents who basically told me to take it on the chin, this person told me to take it higher..to a dean. I still have Creepy McGee's voicemail and it isnt like people in my class cant vouch for what he's said to me. So, i'm going to attempt class for the last time today. Maybe he'll make one more dumbass comment...it'll be more fuel for me to take down to the office afterwards. Whether my grades are affected or not, i cant have my sanity destroyed by this one man. ...so much for parents.