Feelings

I'm...confused. Well, not really confused, that's a lie. I've never been clearer in my direction and what I want. I think it's just loneliness. Likely due to 30 looming so close. I had plans for where I wanted to be in life by 30. They weren't even outrageous plans like living in a bel-air mansion or owning a fortune-700 company (fortune-500? that's 20th century talk). I just wanted to be married (or engaged), working my dream job, at the end of the day going to my own home. My home. 

I feel like I'm back on that island from 2008. Except with age comes experience, awareness. I know more now. And it's so painfully obvious how quiet this island has been. 

I guess I am confused. I thought there would be progression. I still feel stagnant. 

...maybe I'm just a late bloomer like my mom

Future Sight

As more and more of my friends become new parents, I get closer and closer to my “mid-life crisis”. I really want to be a mom too.


…and not an older mature one like my family seems to fancy. It’d be nice to actually be able to play with my kids. Who wants to be 55 raising a teenager?

I think the other issues have pushed my clock into overdrive as well. Time is ticking.

Reality

no longer deluding myself with blind faith, I think i'm starting to accept the reality that I'm never actually going to get the birthday celebration that I wanted. It long ago slipped onto the back burner, and by next week it wont even be a memory.




I'm thoroughly depressed by the fact