But when i'm left alone long enough, I tend to start thinking. I start looking back on the steps i've taken and where I am, reliving memories - both good and bad - and rehashing old ideas. I started thinking, really thinking, about my history. How I used to be. And, not that I'm that odd, but I used to be much more normal years ago. Thinking about it, I found the breaking point. The moment in which the Jax I am today was born. And that was a cold day in February of 1997. That was the day that my brother decided he was moving west, and taking my nephews with him.
My brother was born in 1965. I was born in 1985. His children, my nephews, were born in 1990. They were a major part of my life for 7 years. Seven years of my childhood was wrapped around them. They were, for all intents and purposes, my brothers. And although i'm sure it's nothing like a parent losing a child, it didnt change the fact that it felt to me like a part of me left with them. I just havent been the same since. I lost a giant piece of me that day and I've just never gotten it back. And the result is, I missed the biggest events of their lives, and now, of their little brothers too. Everytime I think of it I cry a little inside.
Two points in my life i'd like to go back to. One - that cold day in february. Two - the first day of high school. I'd be with my future husband to this day if only i'd made a couple better decisions in high school. Sigh, if only.
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