Weekend in review

Holy cow. I went home for my family's annual Christmas party. I was literally home for 72 hours. Roughly 18 of those were spent in some semblance of sleep. The other 54 were spent running. Running from Former Job 2 to Former Job 1. Running from Former job 1 to the hospital. Running errands with ma. Playing chauffeur for dad. Stopping in with my godparents. Skating to Jersey to see a college buddy. Skating back to NYC to lend support to a high school friend. And finally landing in the Christmas party that took me there in the first place. Even when that ended, I had to wake up early yesterday to pack and prepare for a visit from another college buddy before heading to the airport. I'm still not actually sure how. I. did it. I've never done that before. I never want to do that again. That took a toll on my everything.

I was happy to see everyone. I saw many more people than I intended or expected to. It was open arms from friends, family, and extended family. I've been avoiding home since I left. Keeping minimal contact except for those that came in to visit me here. It wasn't anything against them, but my main reason for leaving NY was to get away from all of the drama. the negativity. the bad blood. I just didn't want to get pulled back in once I got out. I didn't realize what that was doing to me. Until I got home. When your own parents don't recognize you because of how different you look, it's time to take stock. I see me every day, I don't notice these things. But the first comment I got from everyone, even long-time friends, was how great I look. I haven't taken any pictures since I left. I've got one or two from the summer wedding, but even that was months ago. It didn't help them any that I cut off all of my hair. I actually had to stifle a laugh as an old friend asked me out, thinking I was someone completely new. I'm not the same person that left New York 8 months ago - not at all. Not mentally, emotionally, or physically. I'm so glad.

Reboot

For years the soul has scarred itself raw
For internal wisdom and a mind in a war
Persoanl triumph to personal loss
The selling of morals for the price of their cost

These arts of mine wrecked from personal flames
There's nothing to lose, though nothing to gain
For these stories of mine fall on deaf ears
Personal trauma, hopes and the fears

A baring of soul is not needed these days
For there's more to this world than personal pain
So burn it away and cast it aside
For we all live short on limited time

Cleanse yourself clean before a mental decease
The weight of our baggage makes us crawl on our knees
So leave this behind for it burdens the soul
Nothing is necessary, thats all one need know

Feel the removal of desire and shame
It's the key to rebirth in a world slightly sane
We are what we are and our being must breathe
So i leave this behind and start something clean