Time

"Time passes. Even when it seems impossible. Even when each tick of the second hand aches like the pulse of blood behind a bruise. It passes unevenly, in strange lurches and dragging lulls, but pass it does. Even for me."


With all of the unanticipated downtime from surgery, I, in my infinite wisdom, thought it wise to go back through my old journal entries and read. See how far I've come.

The problem is, I haven't really come all that far. In ten years - ten. years. - outside of a couple of college blurbs, my life has evidently only revolved around three things. One of which being my surgery/possible childless-laden future. That bothers me. No actually, that isn't what bothers me. What actually bothers me is that none of those three things has progressed anywhere. So the time spent mulling over them, attempting to make something out of them was...to what benefit?


....I feel like such a loser

Oh. Shit.

Fuck youuuu haters. I'll be a big ass kid for this movie. I'm in the process of waiting an extra eight. months.








Sorry Edward fanatics - Twilight brand doesnt get anywhere near this good until Breaking Dawn; and its the last in the series. Harry Potter outranks you.

Time

Time passes. Even when it seems impossible. Even when each tick of the second hand aches like the pulse of blood behind a bruise. It passes unevenly, in strange lurches and dragging lulls, but pass it does. Even for me.

Sigh

Ever wanted something for a really long time?

Ever got it - with a catch - that it won't last forever?



i've got five days left.





and none of those are really guaranteed.





you can't imagine how sad I am over it.

Just one of those days

Everyone's had several in life. The days where you wake up and say "this isnt gonna b a good one...not this time". I had that feeling. It started late last night & just came to fruition. I came back on here, hoping to share something nice so as to cheer up the people i depress with this blog. What happens? i get the first three fingers of my right hand smashed into this huge piece of godforsaken wood my father has dumped into the living room. it crams the pc chair, into the pc desk, and in an attempt to get the chair into that space, my fingers get caught between the chair and wood. i now have four swollen digits between my 2 hands. This has got to be a sign. But i digress:

In and Out of Time - Maya Angelou

The sun has come.
The mist has gone.
We see in the distance...
our long way home.
I was always yours to have.
You were always mine.
We have loved each other in and out of time.
When the first stone looked up at the blazing sun
and the first tree struggled up from the forest floor
I had always loved you more.
You freed your braids...
gave your hair to the breeze.
It hummed like a hive of honey bees.
I reached in the mass for the sweet honey comb there....
God...how I love your hair.
You saw me bludgeoned by circumstance.
Lost, injured, hurt by chance.
I screamed to the heavens....loudly screamed....
Trying to change our nightmares to dreams...
The sun has come.
The mist has gone.
We see in the distance our long way home.
I was always yours to have.
You were always mine.
We have loved each other in and out
in and out
in and out
of time.