Jax in a Box

Reboot

2011-10-11T22:02:00.002-04:00

For years the soul has scarred itself raw
For internal wisdom and a mind in a war
Persoanl triumph to personal loss
The selling of morals for the price of their cost

These arts of mine wrecked from personal flames
There's nothing to lose, though nothing to gain
For these stories of mine fall on deaf ears
Personal trauma, hopes and the fears

A baring of soul is not needed these days
For there's more to this world than personal pain
So burn it away and cast it aside
For we all live short on limited time

Cleanse yourself clean before a mental decease
The weight of our baggage makes us crawl on our knees
So leave this behind for it burdens the soul
Nothing is necessary, thats all one need know

Feel the removal of desire and shame
It's the key to rebirth in a world slightly sane
We are what we are and our being must breathe
So i leave this behind and start something clean

Happy?

2011-10-04T10:32:00.001-04:00

It’s my birthday. It doesn’t feel like it though. It’s just another day for me. Another year older, another year closer. To quote someone, I feel like a hamster on a wheel. All this running, getting nowhere. What I wouldn’t give for a reboot button.

Log 2

2011-09-26T19:43:00.002-04:00

I met with the doc today. i thought i was going in for the breast thing, but it was actually for my old nemesis, the fibroids (talk about blind-sided). they've doubled in size since the last sonogram and i've got a 4th one now. He says I’m swollen to about 12 weeks currently. This is likely the only time I will ever be anything along those lines I’m sure. Unfortunately he didnt downplay the knot, even though after the fibroid thing i hoped that he would. but he said he'd rather i discuss the lumps with a specialist, so i have that appointment on the 20th. doc says they need to be checked out because they are suspicious and hard and causing pain. until then, i'll sit and wait & pretend it’s all groovy. Nothing else I can do anyway.

Log 1

2011-09-14T19:49:00.002-04:00

*I've been mulling over journal entries for quite some time now and i've finally settled on what i want to write. i will keep a log and be as accurrate as possible in developing it. starting today.*

i've always wanted smaller breasts. since high school. they bring more attention than i'd like and distract from what I feel is an awesome personality wrapped in an otherwise fab package. I may be getting my wish, just not in the way i had hoped.

I had to have a sonogram done on the 4th. sucks for me, the results came back abnormal. I had been dealing with the knot and some associated pain for a couple months before getting around to having it checked out. school and work come first of course. even the 'abnormal' result didnt really bother me. i've had biopsies done before and it was no big deal. what actually concerned me just a little was the letter i got from the doc, telling me i needed to come in and appointment already being made with him. that's not how it went last time.

i'm trying my best to keep a level head, to not jump to conclusions. i'm working hard to convince myself that i've gotten through my hardship, my hurdles are over. i dont know if i have any left in me to make it through another one.

Into Self

2011-06-15T08:21:00.000-04:00

I don't own it...but I wish I did

Mantra

2011-06-08T09:17:00.002-04:00

I am me.
In all the world, there is no one exactly like me.
There are persons who have some parts like me,
but no one adds up exactly like me.
Therefore, everything that comes out of me
is authentically mine because I alone choose it.
I own everything about me
my body including everything it does;
my mind including all its thoughts and ideas;
my eyes including the images all they behold;
my feelings whatever they may be …
anger, joy, frustration, love, disappointment, excitement
my mouth and all the words that come out it
polite, sweet or rough,
correct or incorrect;
my voice loud or soft.
And all my actions, whether they be to others or to myself.
I own my fantasies, my dreams, my hopes, my fears.
I own all my triumphs and successes,
all my failures and mistakes.
Because I own all of me I can become intimately acquainted with me.
By doing so I can love me and be friendly with me in all parts.
I can then make it possible for all of me to work in my best interests.
I know there are aspects about myself that puzzle me,
and other aspects that I do not know.
But as long as I am friendly and loving to myself,
I can courageously and hopefully, look for solutions to the puzzles
and for ways to find out more about me.
However I look and sound, whatever I say and do, and whatever I think
and feel at a given moment in time is me.
This is authentic and represents where I am in that moment in time.
When I review later how I looked and sounded, what I said and did, and how I
thought and felt, some parts may turn out to be unfitting.
I can discard that which is unfitting, and keep that which proved fitting,
And invent something new for that which I discarded.
I can see, hear, feel, think, say and do.
I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be productive,
and to make sense and order out of the world of people
and things outside of me.
I own me, and therefore I can engineer me.
I am me and I am ok.

by Virginia Satir

I Cried

2011-05-01T16:32:00.002-04:00

I like politics with a sense of humor

The Voice

2011-04-28T23:38:00.000-04:00

...what's American Idol?

2011-03-15T01:53:00.000-04:00

Pure happiness is found in moments that are beautiful or meaningful, and each day holds plenty of them. When you can master the art of finding joy all around you, the things you want will more naturally flow into your life.

The Heavy

2011-01-10T07:27:00.001-05:00

I now have first hand knowledge of what the girls were talking about. It's a horrible feeling. I think I'm scarred for life.

Six-word Story

2010-11-11T12:59:00.001-05:00

Officially broken. Congratulations life, you win.

Live As If You'll Die Today

2010-11-03T12:12:00.001-04:00

One thing I truly haven't been doing. I feel like my life is so stagnant. "Living" and "exisiting", what's the difference? I learned it in "The Family That Preys" - once Charlotte's alzheimer's set in, and she knew that her life would be nothing but post-its and pills, she knew that she would no longer be living. She couldnt call that living when she would be dependent on everyone around her, unable to do things that she wanted; unable to remember who she was. In her eyes, she was no longer living...just coasting by. Exisiting. All i'm doing is moving day to day, going through the motions. Besides that, I dont feel i'll make it very long. Reaching old age seems a feat insurmountable in itself. Hmm...almost borrowed time. But I guess time will tell its story one way or the other. What I wouldnt give for assurance that I'll even have the chance to leave my mark. To see the world; experience life; have my own family; fall in love. The opportunity to really live. Is that so much to ask?

Walking Away

2010-08-14T01:35:00.001-04:00

There are people who can walk away from you.
When people can walk away from you: let them walk. I don't want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you.

When people can walk away from you, let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left. People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you can't make them stay. And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person it just means that their part in the story is over. And you've got to know when people's part in your story is over so that you don't keep trying to raise the dead.

How many pennies

2010-08-06T15:35:00.002-04:00

I wish I could write a biography of me. I wouldn't even know where to start. or what to include. is there even enough for it to be considered a biography?

REC2

2010-05-30T18:51:00.001-04:00

Who is Sara Baartman?

2010-04-25T23:43:00.000-04:00

Count

2010-03-23T22:47:00.002-04:00

i'm sorry. i reeeeeally am. but these last two are the ones that MATTER. period

Eclipse Movie and Breaking Dawn

Inspire

2010-03-17T18:57:00.001-04:00

Go now, and live.

Experience. Dream. Risk. Close your eyes and jump. Enjoy the freefall. Choose exhilaration over comfort. Choose magic over predictability. Choose potential over safety. Wake up to the magic of everyday life. Make friends with your intuition. Trust your gut. Discover the beauty of uncertainty. Know yourself fully before you make promises to another. Make millions of mistakes so that you will know how to choose what you really need. Know when to hold on and when to let go. Love hard and often and without reservation. Seek knowledge. Open yourself to possibility. Keep your heart open, your head high and your spirit free. Embrace your darkness along with your light. Be wrong every once and a while, and don’t be afraid to admit it. Awaken to the brilliance in ordinary moments. Tell the truth about yourself no matter what the cost. Own your reality without apology. See goodness in the world. Be Bold. Be Fierce. Be Grateful. Be Wild, Crazy and Gloriously Free. Be You.

Go now, and live.

The Man Your Man Could Smell Like

2010-02-08T23:05:00.003-05:00

.....I'm on a horse

My Jeans Are Tighter Than Yall's

2009-12-24T18:51:00.001-05:00

These jeans are damn near my skin my nigga.

On Your Video Phone

2009-11-27T19:42:00.005-05:00

i've been looking for this video for some time. I had heard that it was super sick and as per twitter, it had gone viral ( much like LOL :-) ). i've finally witnessed, and i love it. What an interesting match-up in BeyBey and Gaga. I mean really...Gaga's pop/electric and Bey is straight R&B. But i'm liking it. I've always loved against-the-grain. (I still love you Adam!)

shorty sent a twit pic

2009-11-26T13:55:00.002-05:00

i could have SWORN this had a video 8 decades ago. One Love needs to be next. I'm serious Trey. SO serious.

Yesterday

2009-11-23T00:28:00.001-05:00

She's back bitches. in full effect. O god I love him...happy early birthday Mr. Trey....happy quarter-century.

Ra ra, ooh la la

2009-11-10T21:00:00.002-05:00

i LOVE me some Gaga. she just makes my fucking day. her videos make life. just...are you kidding?

Miles Austin

2009-11-09T00:33:00.006-05:00

he is...just great. just....great. just eat him up. nom nom nom. sorry fellaz =0)

Scary existence

2009-11-08T12:31:00.000-05:00

i dont think i want my sons to play football anymore.

Rihanna

2009-11-06T23:03:00.002-05:00

Consensus? Hard as FUCK. i'm loving it

Droid 2.0

2009-11-06T19:56:00.002-05:00

f3ck a blackberry/sidekick nation....

Apologies

2009-11-05T20:50:00.002-05:00

Sorry loves for the super-extended hiatus. Since my last post i've undergone quite a few changes. I'm actually still in the process of a couple more, along with currently fighting the flu (valiantly i might add). Rest Assured, i'm getting back on my grind, starting this weekend. Be ready! Smooches!

~ MaRi <3>

Beyonce Baby

2009-09-25T03:44:00.001-04:00

no...not hers....but he could be a future back-up dancer for her!

Drake....Jay-Z

2009-09-22T20:09:00.002-04:00

doubly tears!

Cadbury Eyebrows

2009-09-21T21:02:00.000-04:00

Fall Movies

2009-08-27T19:29:00.004-04:00

i've been waiting for these previews. One - its Johnny D, Two - I had no idea what the movie was about, but it looks ALOT like this series. Oh well. She's still hot.

ALICE IN WONDERLAND

JENNIFER'S BODY

Welcome to Brooklyn

2009-08-25T16:45:00.004-04:00

I have no idea who this Brooklyn Sudano is, except that she's Donna Summers' daughter? intrigue...

and that she looks very similar to Kerry Washington...who i'm quite the fan of.

so much potential in her. i see it already.

The New Style

2009-08-19T16:05:00.004-04:00

Fierce

2009-08-03T19:29:00.005-04:00

i have PLANS for these shoes. I just cant bring my mind to fix my face to say that these are actually Candie's heels. There's just no way. Besides the fact that i didnt find them on any of the sites i researched on. If anyone comes across these shoes randomly, please do not be shy about informing me. i'm saving for them right now. right. now.

B. T. W. - yes. those are the heels that "Bad Bitch Britney" threw down in for the "Radar" video. I truly adore her.

Six Flags

2009-07-26T22:40:00.000-04:00

been there? done that?

Sammie

2009-07-14T15:47:00.000-04:00

his progression kind of reminds me of Mario...except Mario was years older when he broke out.

Knowing

2009-07-11T23:39:00.000-04:00

M.E. weddings

2009-07-08T12:26:00.001-04:00

in the middle east, they give 5 almonds as wedding wishes - they represent health, happiness, wealth, fertility, and longevity.

How about a pick-me-up?

2009-07-03T20:14:00.000-04:00

Jax Diva Modeling

2009-07-02T15:16:00.002-04:00

do I have what it takes?

Drizzy Drake Drop

2009-07-02T01:24:00.000-04:00

um...song is still hot fire. Video shoulda been done by Scorsese....who maaaade this? mad about it. Tits everywhere.

2 Girls 1 Cup...for your grandma

2009-06-30T23:58:00.001-04:00

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Trust and believe that is not *this* Jacqui. I wouldnt do that to my grandma. Or any other older person. I wont be responsible for someone's heart attack...:0p

Secret Regrets

2009-06-30T14:44:00.002-04:00

SECRET REGRET OF THE DAY: June 30, 2009

I regret that so many people want someone they can't have or don't want the person they do have. I regret that so many people can't be happy with what's in front of them and fully live the lives they've chosen.

Tap into a whole collection of them here ----> Regrets

BET Awards

2009-06-29T00:09:00.000-04:00

It was all well and good. It was easy to maintain composure until sister Janet Jackson spoke on what her brother was, and meant to them. Such a sad situation.

The Future of HP

2009-06-27T14:40:00.000-04:00

"...The L.A. Times recently sat down with director David Yates to talk about Deathly Hallows, and that interview yielded the info you Potter fans have been clamoring for. If you want to SPOIL it for yourself and find out just where the screen will fade to black during Deathly Hallows: Part I, then keep on reading; if you don’t want to SPOIL the impending frustration surprise, STOP READING NOW.

According to the L.A. Times, Yates called the paper to update them on the filming of Deathly Hallows and was, in fact, shooting the very scene that will be the lead-in to the climax of the first installment:

'We’re here in the forest, we’ve just finished the scene where Harry, Hermione and Ron are captured by the Snatchers after being chased through the woods. The Snatchers are brutal and scary but they aren’t the most intelligent of creatures.They’re trying to figure out exactly who it is they’ve caught.'"

The full article (plus extras) are included here

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part I is slated to hit theaters on November 19, 2010.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part II is slated to hit theaters on July 15, 2011.

Disney

2009-06-26T18:45:00.003-04:00

lion king mulan, aladdin, the little mermaid. dozens of others.

...my childhood was ballin'

9

2009-06-26T00:04:00.001-04:00

R.I.P.

2009-06-25T21:24:00.005-04:00

its really been one of those days. First at 1230, then at 530. *Sigh* i'm afraid for the 3rd installment.

Farrah Fawcett: February 2, 1947 - June 25, 2009

Michael Jackson: August 29, 1958 - June 25, 2009

Fantasy Work

2009-06-24T23:53:00.000-04:00

Yea, thats Johnny Fucking Depp. This man can literally do no wrong in my eyes. Already, its obvious he's taking the Mad Hatter to an entirely new place. Who's helping him get there? Or, should I say, who is he helping to get there? Tim Burton - his Ed Scissorhands, Sleepy Hollow, Charlie & his factory, Corpse Bride, Sweeney Todd, BFF-for-life. I love it. Whenever these two get together you know it's a must-see. Plus....this Alice is looking kinda-hella-really-truly dark. I'm anticipating hard body.

"In the film, 17-year-old Alice returns to Wonderland and encounters the White Rabbit, the Mad Hatter, the Cheshire Cat, the Red Queen, and the other absurd and amazing characters from Lewis Carroll's books. Tim Burton's version stars Alan Rickman (as Caterpillar), legendary Christopher Lee (as Jabberwock), Helena Bonham Carter (as the Red Queen), Anne Hathaway (as the White Queen), Mia Wasikowska as Alice and of course, Johnny Depp as The Mad Hatter."

Helena Bonham Carter as the Red Queen.

Alice is due out March 5th, 2010. Hyped.

The Future of Gaming

2009-06-23T22:11:00.000-04:00

Now i really want an XBox. Like immediately. And it's the twitter one. That light blue is just. fucking. yummy. Thank you TK, and by extension Nelson. Because...i never would have seeen such beauty if not for randomly catching it on his PC.

...fucking incredible. Someone invest for my birthday or something. Like, Achtung.

Back to Basics

2009-06-21T22:11:00.005-04:00

Wow, i've been gone for a real minute. And my fellow bloggers are just letting me sleep on this thing! I guess i've been overly busy lately, that can account for it. i'm actually very proud of myself. My plan to expand my socializing circle is going quite well. I've actually spent the last week "dispatching" my life - swapping out different people for different days to work through their availability and mine. And it's been amazing. I've made myself some new friends, although i think the result is a big gap between me and some of the old. Things change. People change. It's a part of growing up right? Such is life.

Work is also interfering with me playing the part of a 24 year old.I feel like a real adult fucking around with this job. i'm working almost 12 hours a day 5 days a week. Yea guys, i'm gonna be tired. Sorry I cant hang like u do all the time. Sorry that i need sleep to get up @ 2 in the am. Adding on my brand new internship (i'm trying to finish off this other degree now, i've found my muse), time is short. For now. As i've said before on twitter, I'm gonna be stockpiling my $ now. I see trouble on the horizon at work, and I want myself safe-guarded just in case. I dont need anything going awry on MY end.

I think i'd like to go back and get my palm read. Maybe this weekend again, or one day next week. I'd like an update on my future, to see if anything changed.

12.21.12

2009-06-18T15:51:00.000-04:00

New Full Trailer. did u seee what happened to D.C.???

The Man

2009-06-15T22:06:00.002-04:00

The first promo poster for Dexter's next season. Remember last season his chica was preggers? Looks like the baby's here. And he already knows....

Dexter Season 4 premieres Sunday, September 28.... Showtime bitches

Its the real Drizzy

2009-06-11T21:14:00.000-04:00

....back when he was just Aubrey "Jimmy" Graham :0)

I <3 College Humor

2009-06-05T15:55:00.000-04:00

Watch Real Life Twitter on CollegeHumor

The Final Destination - Trailer

2009-06-05T15:44:00.002-04:00

they actually did find new ways. i'm impressed. it should be good for a couple of jumps in 3D.

...nothing like "Drag me to hell" though. fear the gypsies bitch

Overtime

2009-06-02T15:36:00.001-04:00

as my job steals the time i have to spend with these two little buggers. My Clay and my Roc-E.

He turned four yesterday :0) My <333333

I wouldnt call it an even trade because A) i'm basically giving up the one day a week I have to spend with them. Very unsettling. and B) i basically have to work 6 days. until they find a replacement. or until July gets here. Whichever comes first. I hope they find a replacement sooner cuz um...6 days will wear on me fast. i dont care how much "OT" it is.

As soooon as i dont need this job anymore/have enough $ saved up/get scooped up by sum handsome fella, i'm going right back to what I know and love. and thats those buggers. Watch me!

The Final Destination

2009-05-29T15:03:00.002-04:00

thoughts? opinions? expectations? insinuates?

We're Number 1!

2009-05-28T22:47:00.000-04:00

I never actually published my post on the Maxim Hot 100, so of course now I have to reword it and fix it up and make it look neww. The top two, i am completely on board with. without. a. doubt. no. question. If u argue, ur dumb. :0p Just this blogger's opinion. I mean look at them.

...Plus they wanna hook up with each other. That has to get them brownie points sumwhere right?

Megan Fox

Olivia Wilde

The Top 10 rounded out-------->
3 - Bar Refaeli, 4 - Malin Akerman, 5 - Mila Kunis, 6 - Eliza Dushku,
7 - Adriana Lima, 8 - Rihanna, 9 - Jordana Brewster, 10 - Jennifer Love Hewitt

You can find the rest of the 100 list here. And by all means, rush to the nearest newstand/pharmacy/bodega and get your copy. Like yesterday.

Paralyzed

2009-05-26T22:33:00.002-04:00

i dont care about hateration. I dont care if the video is thirteen years old. I love the song. even if it's her singing it. bite me

The OTHER series

2009-05-25T16:10:00.002-04:00

i've been hyping Twilight for the past 6 weeks or so, it's almost as if i've forgotten my original vice - Harry Potter. He comes out first. he's got four new TV Spots. Here are my fave two.

The others, and more info, can be found here

New Moon 2

2009-05-24T04:12:00.002-04:00

Officially my favorite.

....Edward who?

Bookworm

2009-05-23T16:20:00.000-04:00

As i type this, i'm realizing that most, majority even, of my May updates have revolved around one movie or another. Come next month, i'll be spotlighting Public Enemies, Final Destination 18, Saw VI, and Boondock Saints 2.

BUT for now, i'm gonna wrap up my peek into the Twilight Realm. Upon discovering what is the 'main' site for all things Ed/Bella/Jake (which is obviously and understandably helmed by Ms Meyer herself), i discovered what I truly thought was a rumor. Evidently Stephenie Meyer had started on an Edward-version of Twilgiht, but it was leaked. The result of which was her sending the book, and any possible sequels, into indefinite hiatus. Remember when Blink 182 went on hiatus? Tears are still being shed. I cant imagine she'd actually allow this book to sit and not be scripted ever. No way. There's just too many fans that are ready, willing, and able to read the same story from a different point of view. I'll even take Jake's view. AND the follow-up (SPOILER ALERT)
..........
..........
..........
..........
..........
..........
..........
..........what happens with Jake and Renesmee..........
..........
..........
..........
..........
..........
..........
..........

Here's the rough draft of what was to be Edward's Story - Midnight Sun. Enjoy it.

Future Twilight

2009-05-20T17:13:00.002-04:00

What I didnt know, is that New Moon and Eclipse were/are being shot simultaneously. Thats. fantabulous. For those that dont know, Edward's role in New Moon is basically 'voice in Bella's head'. Eclipse, actually puts him back to work. Good stuff. Better news though.....

..........

So yes, Breaking Dawn is being made into a movie (uh, duh. who didnt see that coming?) Did you like the Twilight? are you as excited as I am that they're doing the full (as of now) series?

New Moon is coming out on November 20th. Eclipse is supposed to be out June 30th, 2010 release. But, they could get dumb and pull that Warner Bros shit that happened with Harry Potter, and randomly decide to shove it to next thanksgiving. I will scream

New Moon

2009-05-19T15:29:00.004-04:00

Oh. Em. Gee guys. the first official New Moon poster. I love Jacob...

Twilight's back bitches

remember the other two?

Photoshop

2009-05-19T14:37:00.000-04:00

http://photoshopdisasters.blogspot.com/2008/09/daily-fail-in-other-news-simpsons-is.html

shout out to Jax!

Pandorum

2009-05-17T21:02:00.002-04:00

Two crewmen awaken from hyper-sleep aboard a spacecraft. None of their equipment is working, and their memories are incomplete. What was their mission? How much time has passed? Where are they? Who are they? As they try to piece things together, they discover they are not alone, and the ship’s new inhabitants are moving among them, intent on killing all aboard. As the space travelers unravel the frightening and deadly secrets the ship harbors, they realize the survival of mankind hinges on their actions. They must regain control of the ship before Pandorum takes over.

fucked up isnt it? i believe thats Ben Foster...

Gambit

2009-05-16T20:43:00.000-04:00

Remy LeBeau, the coolest kid in the school, is rumored to be getting his own movie too. More updates as i hunt them down.

o my..perchance to dream. Courtesy of the Blog of Superheroes

Wade Reynolds = Deadpool

2009-05-15T20:22:00.001-04:00

"A solo movie for one particular "X-Men Origins: Wolverine" mutant character, Deadpool, is being pushed forward. Splash Page MTV has come up with the story, claiming that there is official word on "Deadpool" being in active development and that the spin-off will have Ryan Reynolds reprising his role as the mutant assassin known also as Wade Wilson.

The official word on "Deadpool" movie being made came up soon after "Wolverine 2" was announced. A Fox insider reportedly informed MTV that "Deadpool" will have Lauren Shuler Donner and Marvel as the producers. Though the studio are still seeking for writers, the proposed project is said to be an exploration of the character's background, and how he goes from being a part of the Weapon X project to becoming the mask-wearing Merc with the Mouth.

Talks about Deadpool getting a spin-off treatment have made its round long before "X-Men Origins: Wolverine" hit theaters last Friday, May 1. The idea has been thrown in by producer Lauren Schuler Donner, former 20th Century Fox Studio Exec Jeff Katz and even the character's depicter himself, Ryan Reynolds. One of the post-credit scenes featuring Deadpool in "Wolverine" has also given clue that such a project was being considered. - AceShowBiz.com"

and here's the missing after-credits scene. ...see it before youtube yanks it. I've heard rumors of another, where Deadpool actually walks up to the severed head and says "what are you supposed to be?" but eh, i've seen no proof of that egg as of yet

Nature

2009-05-07T14:43:00.001-04:00

I absolutely adore the simplest things.

...but I always have obvious reasons why :0)

Purple Shirts

2009-05-05T15:20:00.003-04:00

The Sequel....

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

...beware purple shirts bitches

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

Poet Laureates - This Boy

2009-05-04T14:42:00.004-04:00

There's This Boy...

So there's this boy...
Yeah, this boy...
He's tall, caramel skin
Can dress for days
And has swagger for years
Hard to find that now and then in anyone
This boy...
This boy has an inexplicable charm to him
Knows how to handle business
Knows how to hold a conversation
Knows how to hold someone down
This boy...
This boy always has an ear open
And an open mind to match
Music is his heart
Art is his soul
This boy...
This boy's known for his smile
Known for putting a smile on a face
Funny how he lights up a place
Makes any heart begin to race
So there's this boy...
Yeah, that boy...
And I'm scared of him
I'm devastated by him
I'm frightened by him
Because I'm feeling him

Part Two of my expose on the Phoenix Rising. I've become a super-admirer of his work. It makes me want to get back into writing. I do miss it terribly.

Poet Laureates

2009-05-03T14:37:00.000-04:00

The first of a two-part expose on a fantastical poet-blogger that I ran across. Send some support his way. There's tons more for your reading pleasure at his blog - Phoenix Rising

Dedicated to the one sparking my interests now and in the future.

Companion

I don't think boyfriend fits your description
Why be like any boy that's my friend?
In a world full of labels
I need one that would fit the way that we are
I feel that you complete me
You support and respect me
You make me a better person
And your drive for success is an inspiration to live
In return I owe nothing but love to you
Whatever is mine will indubitably be yours
No need to hesitate, no reluctance required
I can be myself without you passing judgment
And that is the love I feel from you
You are simply a gift from the heavens
That kiss of fresh air when you step into my space
I feel a natural high with every inhale of your scent
And a sense of euphoria with every word you speak
You are my companion
Because no matter where we end up in our lives
You will always be by my side
Love unchanged, feelings undone
Honesty at its best, loyalty at its peak
I love you in every sense of love
And you are my companion for life

MTA Thinking

2009-05-03T01:39:00.000-04:00

I occasionally like riding the train. I pop in my headphones, amp up my Zune and zone out to all the music I love. But because I was built with a.d.d., my mind starts to wander. And tonight it meandered off on a weird tangent. Maybe i shouldnt be allowed to ride trains alone anymore...

On the long ride into the city, i got to thinking about movies. Movies and their pre-ordained plots. They follow a set line (yea i know, script. duh). But it's just so...one angle of it. I dont know why, although in retrospect it was probably the train, but I thought of the movie "The Brave One". I thought about Jodie's relationship with her boyfriend/fiancee, and how in one terrible night, everything they had planned was tossed away. Lost to tragedy. But then i pondered the other half. The movie followed her and what she experienced afterwards, which was of course the purpose of "The Brave One". But then there are other movies, "Angel Eyes" or "Down To Earth", that actually have the story follow what happens after a person dies. or comes back, whatever. I guess it's all relative. In one view death is done and final. In the other, it's like "The Mummy" says - "Death is only the beginning."

Food for thought, no?

Updating the Jax

2009-05-02T17:51:00.005-04:00

I've found myself getting into more new things as of late. It's amazing, and quite fun. I've made new friends, gone to new places, and tried new things. Still trying actually. I have a new love of thai food.

My refund check came today. i've never been so happy to receive mail from the government. Ever. As i'm typing i've realized and find it quite the conspiracy that it comes the day my mother says 'u should go shopping'. I wonder if she's actually working for them. Thats that bullshit i swear.

My first blogger follower Joshen has returned to the blogging scene, if only for a short stay. In all honesty, i'm just glad to see ur still around. I thought u had given up blogging forever! And that would b quite a significant loss. As an aside, Joshen gave me shout in his blog - awesome. His blog is in my favourites list. Go forth, explore. You wont be disappointed. Something that popped up in my notes is that another blog - an all spanish one - referenced me thanks to a Ms. Elizabeth Berkeley. For those followers of mine that understand spanish, check it out here - chicas de webnovela. I've already learned about a few new (to me) things from it. Expand your minds!

Shopper Update --- I bought a new fitted - Boston stand up - a fresh pair of sneakers, and lots of things made of lace. Too much money blown in 3 hours. But the refund check was spared destruction. Go me.

May Day!

2009-05-01T19:06:00.001-04:00

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

My brother was born on Cinco de Mayo. We're not mexican, but for his birthday we will be! I love the month of May. It leads into the best month ever - JUNE.

Video Game Achievements....

2009-04-28T14:20:00.000-04:00

Cyanide & Happiness

2009-04-27T15:46:00.000-04:00

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

Dance Flick

2009-04-27T03:47:00.000-04:00

the star is definitely a wayans....wouldnt hav thought he was Damon Jr though.

Thomas - there aint no I in team.
A-Con - there aint? what about group?
Thomas - not in group either.
A-Con - crew?
Thomas - uh-uh.
A-Con - gang?
Thomas - no.
A-Con - I-nsemble?
Thomas - you just mispronounced that word to make it sound like it had an I in it.

Death Note: L

2009-04-27T00:06:00.000-04:00

For those that follow along with the manga, or more likely even the show - they've made a third movie. Which i'm sure i'm late with uncovering, cuz thats how I roll. Lateness is my anti-drug.

Thought Provoking

2009-04-25T23:38:00.000-04:00

Mi madre and I went to Atlantic City today. It was a great experience. After seeing the standard water show, I convinced ma to meander into a psychic booth for a palm reading. The psychic's comments -

"You smile on the outside, but in your heart is sadness"
"you're meant to help people, you'll find success in it"
"you're good at what u do now, but its not what you want. you're meant for more"
"there's someone close to you that cares a great deal for you. he'll reveal himself soon"
"you will have two children"
"i see children in your near future, so i'd protect myself if you dont want any right now"
"you'll live to be 90"
"you dont keep many people close to you, but there are two that are genuine"
"you love to travel and want to go more places"

The other psychic told my mom that there's a woman that wants to be with her. I always suspected this one lady...
The other psychic also told my mother she'd be travelling soon. possibly to Florida. we're going to Florida in august. She made ma a believer. ^_^

I'm so intrigued. I'd love to see if these other things actually play out to be true.

A Letter

2009-04-21T16:14:00.004-04:00

Dear Erica,

We were talking with your mom today. She showed us a picture of Jada. She's getting so big. Every time I see her she just looks more like you. It's amazing - almost like you havent left. You wouldnt believe how fast she's growing. It really made me think about you. I cant believe it's really been a year and a half already. That was the worst birthday. Finding out that you wouldnt be able to celebrate with me. To know that you werent coming out of it, that the plug was being pulled, and Mike was letting you go. It still breaks my heart into pieces everytime I think of that day. He was just so anguished, the pain was all over his face. Those few minutes as he bent over you are etched in my mind forever. Often when I think back on you now, my mind automatically reverts back to that day when no one in the family could do anything to bring him out of the dark that engulfed him. You'd be so proud of him now though. He's carried on very well and and made sure that Jada remembers her mommy and the love you have for her. We all still miss you terribly, that will never go away. But to watch Mike and Jada, I know that your memory - and your spirit - will never die.

With Love,

Jacki

Sigh

2009-04-14T14:38:00.003-04:00

Is it wrong for me to harbor a bit of jealousy over my roommate's engagement?

Or toward my cousin's/friend's pregnancies?

Because I do. And I'm sad about it. :-\

Explosm

2009-04-13T14:33:00.000-04:00

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

Party Buses

2009-04-12T19:46:00.006-04:00

they make for good times

and baby-making magic

and King Goose

and Kanye n00b glasses

it was so hood

I cried

2009-04-07T16:43:00.004-04:00

if you were hiding under a rug last night about 8pm...or watching lil kim dance as the case may be...

You know, every season there's one episode. last year, it was when they eliminated cutthroat bitch; even took it as far as sort of making it her fault (the meds she was taking at the time). No one truly saw that coming, no matter how much you did or didnt like her. But this year, i was truly hurt. I tuned in to house, first time since it moved to mondays, because the preview called it *that* episode of the season. looking back on it, i should have noticed that he was the only person missing from the preview while everyone else is crying. I mean, meatloaf and his heart are just filler for the real story of the episode. Kutner wasnt supposed to die. Kutner was that guy. He was just too lovable. But i guess its always the ones you least expect. No one pegged him for suicidal, especially given how lovable he was. All the funny and quirky. God it hurt to watch. And what really cemented it all - the whole 'we didnt see it coming' - was near the end. House was in his apartment, looking at photos. Photos with his parents, photos with friends, and then the last one; how i wish i could find it - a picture of him alone, a picture that seem to capture the monumental degree of sadness he must have been fighting with. It hurt. to watch.

Making me feel no better - although i'm happy for Kal - is the reason behind Kutner's dramatic departure:

"The truth is much, much nicer. According to an interview with EW's Michael Ausiello, Kal Penn has left House (and Hollywood) to work in the Obama White House. He tells Ausiello that during his time volunteering for the Obama campaign, he got to know the President pretty well and "expressed interest" in working for the administration. Now, Kal Penn will be the associate director in the White House office of public liaison. Not sure what that entails, but it sounds pretty fancy. Basically, he'll go from working with Hugh Laurie to working with President Obama, which makes him the luckiest guy on the planet."

Moonlight

2009-04-01T17:19:00.004-04:00

....so what if - only a couple days after I go Harry Potter wild - i explode over "New Moon" posters? It's New Moon! it's not Harry, but it's still looking good. I can acknowledge goodness when i see it. only another 7 months to gooo. Arent you thrilled fellow Twilighters?.

....Harry/Hermione over Edward/Bella =0p

March 31 2005

2009-03-31T18:05:00.000-04:00

raw soul

2009-03-30T19:38:00.002-04:00

if there is anyone who is able to give of themselves. to reveal and let someone in wholly, fully, and completely - i envy u. no matter how much i share; despite what i *do* manage to lay bare; i will ALWAYS hold sumthing back. because like so many, i don't want 2 b judged based on parts of the whole. i wish i could be a little freer. maybe one day i will. hopefully one day soon.

Facebook for Life

2009-03-30T19:12:00.001-04:00

what if....facebook, were real? How would u really react?

Facebook In Real Life Comedy Video Spoof

Oh. Shit.

2009-03-30T17:31:00.007-04:00

Fuck youuuu haters. I'll be a big ass kid for this movie. I'm in the process of waiting an extra eight. months.

Sorry Edward fanatics - Twilight brand doesnt get anywhere near this good until Breaking Dawn; and its the last in the series. Harry Potter outranks you.

Your Diva

2009-03-28T06:36:00.004-04:00

A
- Available: no =0)
- Age: 23
- Annoyance: ppl that consistently spell wrong..like spell check doesnt exist. flakes
- Animal: ocelot...
- Actor: Will Smith, Patrick Warburton, Johnny Depp
- Actress: Isla Fisher, Rachel Weisz

B
- Beer: eww beer...
- Birthday/Birthplace: Oct 4th, Rego Park, NY
- Body Part on opposite sex: eyes, hair, arms
- Best Feeling in the world: the moment right before you fall asleep..
- Been on stage?: yea
- Believe in yourself?: i do now
- Believe in life on other planets: sure
- Believe in magic: of course. its what we do ;-)
- Believe in Evolution: to a degree

C
- Car: omg i want a f3cking shelby gt 500...& a z4
- Color: blk red wht carolina blue
- Chocolate/Vanilla: Vanilla
- Chinese/Mexican: mexican
- Country: brazil
- Comedian: stephen lynch, jeff dunham, kevin hart, dane cook

D
- Day or Night: night
- Dream vehicle: i do want an aston martin also...
- Dance in the rain?: the memories...

E
- Eggs: hard boiled
- Eyes: Brown...or blue
- Everyone has: sum degree of issues
- Ever failed a class?: if u havent, or at least almost, we cant be friends

F
- First crush: Daniel...yea
- First thoughts waking up: y is it 3 already
- Food: sauteed chicken over snow peas ...yea, i'm a undercover cook

G
- Greatest Fear: the dark. f3ck you. and dying alone.
- Goals: move to CT, or DC =0)
H
- Height: 5'5.5"
- Holiday: new years
- Health Freak: no, just a good vegetarian
- Hate: know it alls. the ones that hav to be right all the time...i know 2 of them. both being male
- Heart Broken/when/who?: 3 times. once was my fault :-\

I
- Ice Cream: raspberry, cake batter, sweet cream
- Instrument: flute and drums

J
- Jewelry: tongue ring, earring, tennis bracelet, nameplate
- Job: current - dispatcher, future - admin assistant

K
- Kids: in a couple years
- Keep a journal?: 1 pvt, sum public

L
- Longest Car Ride: NY to Texas!
- Love: the people closest to me
- Laughed so hard you cried: that was just yesterday
- Love at first sight: yea, i've fallen for some babies hard-body

M
- Milk flavor: strawberry. i wish mcd would bottle that.
- Movie: Miracle st St Anna, Public Enemies, The Mummy 2, Twilight, Shutter (not american) and Bloody Reunion
- Marriage?: yea =0)
- Motion sickness?: if i was sick before i got in the vehicle
- McD's or BK: BK, fuck that
- Memory: my nephews and nieces. and that first formal

N
- Number of Siblings: 3 half siblings, 1 forced sibling, and 2 may-as-well-be siblings
- Number of Piercings: 5
- Number: zero, my hero. how wonderful u are

O
- Overused Phrase: you mad??
- Odd phobia: syringes? is that odd? i think lots of ppl fear big scary needles

P
- Places you'd like to live: santo domingo, rio, honolulu
- Pizza: green peppers & olives...yum
- Pepsi/Coke: ginger ale
- Person you miss: Camilo

Q
- Quiet music or loud: always volume up

R
- Reality TV: doesnt extend past the occasional RW/RR challenge BS
- Radio Station: 20 on 20, pop 2k
- Roll your tongue in a circle?: only once

S
- Song: 1, 2, 3, 4 - plain white Ts
- Sushi: omg i wanna go todaaaaay
- Scent: Believe - Brit Brit
- Smoked?: used to, under stress
- Skinny dipped?: yea
- Sing well?: god awful no
- Swear?: not as much as i used to.
- Stuffed Animals?: have u seeen my room?
- Strawberries/Blueberries: both dipped in cool whip

T
- Time for bed: 7-8 weekdays...whenever weekends
- Thunderstorms: are the best times to be out =0)

U
- Unpredictable: if i wanna be
- Used to play: lacrosse, soccer, tag football, hockey, flipcup, beer pong

V
- Vegetable you hate: cauliflower
- Vegetable you love: corn & peeeeas
- Vacation spot: port st lucie. it really is beautiful

W
- Weakness: old school gentlemen, firefighters, babies
- Worst feeling: embarassment, caused by outer stupidity of other ppl
- Want to be a model?: i do actually. how odd

X
- X-Rays: only every other month.

Y
-Year it is now: 2009
-Yellow: is for easter
-You: is tired and wired and anxious for sushi and cam's homecoming all at once! =0)

Z
- Zoo animal: Tiger
- Zodiac sign: Libra

Transit Working

2009-03-27T15:35:00.000-04:00

Some of the perks to working for transit do make themselves known occasionally.

A few mins after one, a driver, Pedro, called to say he would not be making it back to ozone park for his pickup, because he couldnt get into the city.

"What's going on Pedro?"
"Oh, the Whitestone is falling"
"I'm sorry, did you just say the Whitestone Bridge. is falling?"
"yea, a cop just came by and said a few cars up, a piece fell"

....almost two hours later, after i've been home and we've already re-directed as much as possible, i'm just seeing articles pop up on the telly/World wide news.

amNY

NY1

But why is it you ask that Access a Ride carriers got word so fast? Because it was transit's. fault. Shame on u MTA.

...You will not jack up my metrocard fare to pay for this.

thank you George Atwell. I would like to know what phone u own. So that I may take pictures as clear as this. Feel free to share that bit of info. Much obliged.

NYTimes

Cut To Black

2009-03-26T19:19:00.002-04:00

This is for all you Sopranos/Entourage fans out there. Dedicated. to you.

Numerology and Names

2009-03-22T16:04:00.004-04:00

Borrowed, not taken, from the blog of Steven. Just for 5 minutes while i'm sober and recovering...

You entered: J. F. Williams

There are 22 letters in your name.
Those 22 letters total to 85
There are 8 vowels and 14 consonants in your name.

Your number is: 4

The characteristics of #4 are: A foundation, order, service, struggle against limits, steady growth.

The expression or destiny for #4:
Order, service, and management are the cornerstones of the number 4 Expression. Your destiny is to express wonderful organization skills with your ever practical, down-to-earth approach. You are the kind of person who is always willing to work those long, hard hours to push a project through to completion. A patience with detail allows you to become expert in fields such as building, engineering, and all forms of craftsmanship. Your abilities to write and teach may lean toward the more technical and detailed. In the arts, music will likely be your choice. Artistic talents may also appear in such fields as horiculture and floral arrangement, as well. Many skilled physicians and especially surgeons have the 4 Expression.

The positive attitudes of the 4 Expression yield responsibility; you are one who no doubt, fulfills obligations, and is highly systematic and orderly. You are serious and sincere, honest and faithful. It is your role to help and you are required to do a good job at everything you undertake.

If there is too much 4 energies present in your makeup, you may express some of the negative attitudes of the number 4. The obligations that you face may tend to create frustration and feelings of limitation or restriction. You may sometimes find yourself nursing negative attitudes in this regard and these can keep you in a rather low mood. Avoid becoming too rigid, stubborn, dogmatic, and fixed in your opinions. You may have a tendency to develop and hold very strong likes and dislikes, and some of these may border on the classification of prejudice. The negative side of 4 often produces dominant and bossy individuals who use disciplinarian to an excess. These tendencies must be avoided. Finally, like nearly all with 4 Expression, you must keep your eye on the big picture and not get overly wrapped up in detail and routine.

Your Soul Urge number is: 9

A Soul Urge number of 9 means:
With a 9 Soul Urge, you want to give to others, usually in a humanitarian or philanthropic manner. You are highly motivated to give friendship, affection and love. And you are generous in giving of your knowledge and experience. You have very sharing urges, and you are likely to have a great deal to share. Your concern for others makes you a very sympathetic and generous person with a sensitive and compassionate nature.

You are able to view life in very broad and intuitive terms. You often express high ideals and an inspirational approach to life. If you are able to fully realize the potential of your motivation, you will be a very self-sacrificing person who is able to give freely without being concerned about any return or reward.

As with all human beings, you are prone to sometimes express the negative attitudes inherent to your Soul Urges. You may become too sensitive and tend to express emotions strongly at times. There can be significant conflict between higher aims and personal ambitions. You may resent the idea of giving all of the time and, in fact, if there is too much 9 energy in your nature you may reject the idea. You may often be disappointed in the lack of perfection in yourself and others.

Your Inner Dream number is: 4

An Inner Dream number of 4 means:
You dream of being a very solid citizen that people can depend upon. You strive for organization and predictable order. You want to be recognized as a person with a plan and the discipline to make that plan work like clockwork.

Making the Call

2009-03-21T21:04:00.003-04:00

My mother came into my room this morning. With a straight face she said to me - "Maybe u shouldnt go out tonight, I dont want you traveling alone." The reason? Because some people backed out and decided not to participate in tonight's events anymore.

We then actually had a real serious discussion on how she keeps flip flopping between me leaving people be, and letting them dictate what I do. After she thought about it, she told me to call up some old friends and re-establish the connections we once had.

And then she said that I should get ready, go out and have a fantastic time, without regard for those that didnt show.

..and getting ready I am =0)

Forum
127 4th Ave - NYC

Angels and Kings
500 East 11th St - NYC

The Weekend

2009-03-21T02:12:00.000-04:00

Three things:

1) Happy Birthday to Mason Stanley! You're finally legal. It only took forever...=0P

2) He's having a super hardcore blowout bash. Tonight. March 21st. It's going to be wild. A and K

3) There's guaranteed alcohol poisoning and comas in the near future. I can see it with my ESP.

Pillow Fight '09

2009-03-20T13:52:00.000-04:00

It's always fun. I've gone the last three years =0) Who wants to go with?